Daily quote #580

"Nine days. Nine days and no quotes. Actually, it's after midnight, so ten days and no quotes." - Pat

"Yeah, where've you been on the quotes?" - Kelly

"Do my boobs look bigger today?" - Kelly

"Donna got us kicked out of [of The Loft]... She's hardcore." - Jason

Jess: Are you for real?
Dave: I'm life.

"Dude you should call in drunk and come to GR this weekend with Dave." - Billy

"Your subconscious appears to be a little feisty this morning." - Kadee

"Gotta do what you do, haha, and give no fucks about it." - Kadee

"I guess I'm a triflin' hoe sometimes" - Kadee

Me: He's drinking a Bloody Mary? He has big balls.
Dave: No, he has issues.

Daily quote #579

"Hey man, Bri is here. LITTLE F.Y.I. YOU SLOB." - Scott

Me: What are you two bitches up to tonight?
Scott: 'Bout to have this bitch buy me dinner, take me out, and blow me. Pimpin'.

"I was thinking about quitting the Loft and working at Subway, but then I thought about how depressed I'd be." - Dom

Daily quote #578

"I was going to go to the park, but I'd rather get laid." - Scott

"We're havin' a movie day? Better not tell anyone about that. Better not tell anyone, unless you tell 'em we're drinkin' 40z too because then it makes us badasses." - Scott

Scott: Where the egg?
Me: How the hell you lose an egg?
Scott: Just like I lost my mother fuckin' mind! I don't even know!

"When we move in together, it's like you're moving in w/ a girl. Don't tell anyone though." - Scott

"I got closure last night!" - Kelly

"But hey, when I take a pregnancy test and it's positive I'll take a picture of it and send it to you so you can add it to your collection." - Melanie

"Alright, I'm going to get Torey. If I'm not back in thirty minutes I got arrested and I'm in jail, I'll be out tomorrow." - Pat

Roy: Obama!
James: Auto Sales!

Random person: Yo, what's that smell?
Jermain: It weed nigga!

"You're totally fucked." - Lauren on my current situation I'm in.

Daily quote #577

"So your slutty boss wants to meet me and hang out?" - Jeremy

"I'm drunk at work. Weird." - Jess

"Damn, look at that! Niggas got new concrete to bang on!" - Scott regarding the new sidewalks on North Saginaw street.

Me: I just peed a little.
Jason: With happiness? Ha-Pee-Ness?

"I don't want to touch my cock when I pee, I've been playing with murcury." - Jason

Me: I've never peed on carpet before.
Jason: Me neither. It felt kind of liberating.

Daily quote #576

"Just wondering if you're up for some super secret covert operations under the cover of darkness tonight." - Jason

Daily quote #575

"I've never packed a bowl before in a school desk." - Brittany

"Hey, you just ran my pockets. Scott you bastard." - Jason

"National Graphic here I come!" - Jason as he's shooting party pictures.

Random: What are you suppose to be [for Halloween]?
Justin: The realest mother fucker in this bitch!

Daily quote #574

Me: When I say 'hip', yall say 'hop'. Hip!
Beth: Fuck you.
Taryn: Go fuck yourself.

"Whatever, I got coupons for being slutty." - Kelly

"I think I'm going to puke or shit my pants in about five seconds." - Kelly

Kelly: What does that mean, like really?
Me: Nuttin'.
Kelly: You want to?

"I worked at a preschool once, drank too much the night before, had to work at 7 in the morning and went into work hammered. The little kids loved me that day." - Hayley

Me: Scott and I played a game of 50 point Dominoes last night. Game lasted over two hours.
Dave: You guys are ridiculous

Jess: Do you hate me?
Me: Yeah.
Jess: Glad we're on the same page.

Lisa: It's Devil's night, don't egg my house.
Scott: We won't, but we might burn that bitch down! EAST SIDE NIGGA WHAT?!

"I will punch you in the face. You see this fist? Potential energy." - Jess

Daily quote #573

"Don't make me kick you in the face." - Michele

"Hope you catch a disease and die or something." - Beth

"Your mother just saw a naked girl in her kitchen." - Jess

"I tried getting on myspace the first time [I got mega wasted], and tried messaging you. I fell down on my way. They then proceeded to write on me." - Jay

Daily quote #572

"I wanna be you for a day, so I might just be you for Halloween. I will just wear a flannel shirt and some jeans and carry around a camera and beer. Oh and I'll be way fucked up before I do anything." - Alyssa

Me: How do you know Garth Brooks?
James: My momma white.

Daily quote #571

"Is that two niggas kissin'?" - Scott while watching Jerry Springer.

"If we got pulled over, I'll pretend I'm drunk." - Scott while I'm driving him home at 9:36am.

"I need a hug." - Scott

Erin: Are you a scientist? What are you doing back there?
Scott: Gettin' drunk!

Erin: So I heard you're gay.
Scott: What?

Scott's Mom: Fuck you!
Scott: Yeah fuck you too!

Me: You're the moon to my starry sky.
Jess: You're an idiot.

"By the way, you're spelling a lot of stuff all whack. It's okay if you're drunk, but if you're not, then you're just dumb." - Erin

"...and finding out Scott is actually dating someone is surprising as when I found out Scott skated. What happened to his 'Hip-Hop Game' status?" - Erin

"Her titties so nice she knock my dominoes over." - Scott

"He can teach me how to suck a dick, and that's about it. Teach me how to suck a dick. Whoooo, I love me. Straight up dick. But yo, that's how the hip hop girls like it. Straight hip hop." - Scott regarding someone's boyfriend.

Daily quote #570

"Yeah right Eminem. I just wanna say to him, 'Yeah right Eminem. You full of shit.'" - Scott

"What's Bright Eyes? Yo know the words to Vanessa Carlton, so if it's something gay I'm not surprised." - Erin

Me: I gotta pee. I need to find a bathroom.
Jason: I just peed in the sink.

"She thinks I a lot now? I'm not even depressed yet! Wait until there's snow on the ground!" - Scott

"I'll be damned if Bri doesn't dump me this winter when she realizes I'm a drunken piece of shit. God damned!" - Scott

"I don't even want to be on your level. That's how shitty you are." - Donna

"Give me a ticket before I got to jail!" - Scott

"I got a bowl in my sock." - David

"Fuck the cops!" - Pat as two cops are outside the party.

"You're a pretty funny guy. I hear you get drunk at parties and write things down to post online." - The woman at Lucky's Liquor regarding The Daily Quote.

"If you ever get a girlfriend, I will hunt them down and beat them up for being so retarded." - Kelly

"Awww, I want to carve pumpkins with you." - Kelly

Joey: You don't need to shave, and you don't need to go to work.
Me: I do need to shave. It's for the ladies. It's why I fuck bitches and you fuck whatever you do.
Joey: I hate you. I take what I can get.

"Your pops has strong sneakers." - Donna

"I'm a total Harry Potter nerd and I toootally don't give a fuck." - Kadee

Daily quote #569

"This is about to feel so natural." - Scott

"Yo player, what's playin'?" - Mitch

"So I don't remember the Loft last night. Work was a bitch too." - Justin regarding his 21st birthday.

"Those the new dorms? Ima start rapin' bitches." - Anonymous

Daily quote #568

"It's fucked up when you get hit on in the office while you're getting tested." - Dave

"I already don't like this kid." - Beth as she walks in the back to interview a kid.

"I'm going to get a spray tan. I'm going to be orange and sexy." - Kelly

"In Midland I'm known as a big slut that always cheats on her boyfriend." - Kelly

"Is your shirt from the 2nd grade?" - Jess

Daily quote #567

"I don't like needles and I don't like surprises so I think I'll just hold back and stick to my guns." - Joey regarding getting tested.

"I was drawing you and it turned into a bum." - Jess

"Open up cum fartin' bitches." - Todd talking to his DVD player.

"Dino breath." - Joey

"Is this a legitimate bed?" - Jess

"This is the first time kissing in Sam Burnstings office." - Jess

"My car smells like booze thanks to you."

"I can't wait for Daily Quote #666. We have to make it super rad."- Joey

Daily quote #566

"If I shit my pants will you make fun of me?" - Scott

"Wanna do shots of vodka? Go get me a spoon and a needle. We about to shoot up vodka."- Scott

"Blink 182 isn't that bad. I mean, they got me through high school. [We both break out laughing hard as fuuuk.] Just kidding." - Scott

Scott: Cum in her.
Me: No, that's fucking dumb.
Scott: Come on dude, it'd be funny.

"Nigga, Ima theripist." - Scott

"You know in the winter all we do is get wasted and discover new rap? What if we run out of hip hop and start listening to screamo again? Oh, that's another thing. We always mack bitches in the winter, but we only fuck 'em in the summer time." - Scott

"I downloaded 11 death metel albums today; Lifes fucked." - Tanner

"Whore." - Maya

"It's alright, I getcha. everyone has their "I feel like a princess!" moments. I won't tell anyone." - Kadee

Daily quote #565

Me: You're running.
Heidi: I'm galloping.

Me: This is a nice bench to sit on.
Jason: Isn't that like, your office where you sit all day?
(NOTE: This was in regards to my A Walk In The Park photo series.)

"Is his knocking my hustle? He's knocking my hustle." - Jason talking to Scott.

"You've been a dick all day." - Scott

"I'm glad we're on the same gravy level." - Kadee

"I'll grind the deep end for a photo." - Billy

Daily quote #564

"I would make her suck my big vagina. Not that I have a big vagina, but I'd make it big for her to suck on." - Taryn

"Will some of you niggas fight? It ain't Bobby's w/out a fight." - Perry

"Ima b'bout to die." - Quad

"Happy Sweetest Day Justin." - Kelly

"Sometimes I really miss your dickness in my life... but most the time I don't." - Alyssa

"So I was in flint today, and I thought of you and wondered if somehow, I would run into you with a beer in one hand and a camera in another. But I didn't and I was a little upset because I could've used a drink." - Kelsey

Daily quote #563

"What are you doing for sweatest day tomorrow? [Me: *lots of laughing*] Just kidding, I just said it for a reaction." - Steph

"So I've come to realize I'm not comfortable peeing w/ a picture of you starring at me, right next to the toilet." - Heidi regarding the picture of myself taped to the bathroom wall at work.

"Do you know where I can buy candy cigarettes?" - Donna

"Oh well. Atleast I have tits. That'll get me a husband." - Erin/Ohio

Daily quote #562

"Ants don't mess around. Ever see Indiana Jones?" - Dom

Dave: Check this out fool.
Dom: Quit callin' me fool!

"You should text Kelly and say, 'Bitch.'" - Beth

"Oh wow, you're actually sick and note just faking it this time?" - Beth regarding me calling in to work today.

"I'm assuming you're up to no good somewhere downtown, so when you do get arrested, tell my dad I said hi." - Erin

"Did you move already or get arrested or something? Haven't heard from you in a minute." - Erin

Daily quote #561

"Think it's bullet proof?" - Dom regarding the John Deere tracker that drives around downtown w/ windows.

"Just wondering, how many times a day do you get called 'asshole'?" - Erin/Ohio

"Are you shooting porn now, Mr 18 years of age?" - Erin/Ohio

"You know what they need to bring back? Real ass gladiators." - Kadee

Melanie: I am so homesick.
Me: Aww... Drive home. Let me take your photo on Wednesday. I'm in a dry spell.
Melanie: I'm not having sex with you.

"Maybe desperate times could call for desperate, colorful measures, and if it's dark, you never know what you got." Kadee in response to Joey in #560.

Daily quote #560

Me: Before California I cared a little, but now, it's like...
Sam: Straight asshole? Yeah, I see that.

Me: You think Tina Fey is hot right?
Kelly: I mean, she is 40 years old, and has a kid, so whatever.
Me: So, is that a yes?
Kelly: I could see how my dad would think that, but not you.

"Pshhhh Kadee doesnt know whats up my shit was epicly Vader'd." - Joey NOTE: See Daily Quote #559.

"You're not an alcoholic til you go to A.A." - Dave

"I'm going to quit drinking. I just had my last drink tonight." - Dave

"Just because you got a gold tooth doesn't mean you're not gay." - Justin

Daily quote #559

"How rude! No wonder everyone thinks you're an asshole." - Kelsey

"Are these pants like, uber tight?" - Random kid in my store asking about girl pants.

"Sounds like you're having an orgasm, or taking a really big shit." - Michele while I eat a burrito.

"I'm gonna piss some myspace nerds off soon." - Dave

"You don't seem half as bad as your quotes makes you out to be." - Kadee

"Colored condoms are fuckin' weird. It's like..hey, pretend I'm an alien for a second and get to work." - Kadee

"I like how we take naps so we can party all night." - Scott

"Did I really say, 'Is this what white people listen to'?" - Torey

"I just had sex w/ the married man and it was amazing. I'm not going to black-mail him, I'm just going to make him keep having sex w/ me." - Melanie

"You don't have to go to church to be a Christian, you just have to live the Christian life style." - Father Bear

"She has a bitchy voice so she probably has a bitchy car." - Suzann

Me: Would you date LL [Cool J]?
Beth: Maybe. He has a lot of money so probably. And he's hot. ... .. Get this, LL is 40. We have a chance.

"How's life being a douche bag?" - Beth

"I feel I get dumber everytime I'm around you." - Beth

"Someone gettin' pregnant on the side of the house." - Scott

Me: Who's actually twenty-one in here?
Justin: *Holds up fake ID* But if they run that shit I'm on tether.

Ryan: He's in my math class.
Justin: I didn't know they let prisoners go to college.

Suzann: Get insurance.
Me: That's why I need to go back to college.
Suzann: Justin, somewhere there's someone that wants to give you money to go to college. Find 'em.

Daily quote #558

"Look at that ass; It's like Mt Rushmore and shit." - Joey

"It's weird being around you sober." - Erin

"Cops don't show up anymore. This is the known ghetto party house on the block." - Justin

"You're an asshole." - Kelly

"I just walked out of the back room while Beth was still talking." - Kelly

"I'm like the friendliest person alive." - Kelly

"Shit, I'd would've just peed w/ it on. Fill that bitch up like a water balloon." - Scott regarding what he'd do if he woke up w/ a condom still on from the night before.

Jess: Oh yeah, prepare for comfort.
Me: Huh?
Jess: I drive a Buick.

Daily quote #557

"If I hurt you, I don't even care, so don't even bother telling me. If you do, I still don't give a fuck." - Scott while shaving my head.

Scott: I'm getting honked at.
Me: Because you don't know how to drive and don't even have a valid license anymore.
Scott: No, because I'm on my cellphone.

"If I could drink a 30 pack in one day, you know how big my wizard staff would be?!" - Dave

Me: I almost hit a flock of deer earlier.
Torey: What's that?

"So you really going to quote me saying 'I just got done huffing clear coat behind the garage'? I'll see it tomorrow and think what the fuck was I on." - Pat

"*Puking sounds, maybe even puke, from drinking beer.*" - Scott being a pussy.

"It tastes like liquid jelly." - Jess after tasting some new wine.

"See even someone else thinks you're a floozy. Ain't no thing though, it's why i think you're interesting." - Donna in regards to Scott's quote from #555.

Daily quote #556

Scott: I wouldn't want to be the black president.
Me: You're not black.
Scott: Shit, I beg to differ.

"Do you have any wheels that match the board?" - Random kid in skateshop

"I wanna hit someone in my car onetime. Like, "Thump! Whoops!" Maybe while drunk." - Scott

Jason: Pizza always tastes better w/ a little ass hair.
Scott: Yeah, for real.

"They sag harder than rollerbladers." - Dom regarding to people in prison.

Scott: Where's that apple?
Me: The small zipped pocket on my bag.
Scott: Oh, I was looking in your glove box.

"When was the last time I knew you had a heart?" - Scott

"Fuck a fat girl and a real skinny girl, do they equal out?" - Anonymous

Pat: Hey Scott, roll your windows down. I think Ima go puke [inside your car].
Scott: I'll beat that ass.

"God. Biggest fucking asshole I know." - Lindsay

"You don't feel like it? That's a good thing to tell your store manager." - Steph NOTE: My store manager.

"Come get drunk with me and old men. We're going to party like it's 1991! '91 nigga! Fuck bitches!" - Scott

Daily quote #555

"I love that I know if you're not working you're probably downtown getting drunk with some random person." - Donna

"I'm an obese person waiting to happen." - Donna

Melanie: Guess who I'm doing to night.
Me: Who?
Melanie: The married guy.

Me: Hey.
Scott: NOTE: This is the first thing he says when I answer the phone. You better be getting your dick wet. Huh? Is it wet? Is it wet nigga? Yeah, you gettin' laid aren't you?

"I love you. Even though you got skank on your forehead, I probably love you more for that." - Erin/Ohio

Daily quote #554

"Oh this is just Ohio...wondering what the hell is up with the number one on your space. Are you dating scene girls now?" - Erin/Ohio

"So is this what white people listen to?" - Torey while Scott and I are listening to Atmosphere. NOTE: Torey is white.

"That sucks dick, but it sounded cool." - Torey

"Look! It's my 40oz glass from last night!" - Scott pointing out the broken glass in the road from him throwing a 40oz at a car the night before.

"We're drunk, we can't do math." - Scott

"I feel like the black dude in a white crowd." - Scott

"I will pee on that cunt." - Kelly

Daily quote #553

"If I shit my pants don't tell anyone dude." - Scott

"I don't feel like skating. I'm an alcoholic. Guess what I want to do." - Scott

Lady at Taco Bell: Anything to drink?
Scott: Got any beer?

"This is our day off music." - Scott while playing Ace of Base

"You know how bad Coke in the eye burns? It fuckin' burns! God! Fuck, this shit burns!" - Pat

Me: What's going on outside?
Perry: Fire nigga!

"I didn't disappear, I just stayed in school." - Scott

"You want my shirt? I want your panties." - Pat to some random girl at last night's party.

Pat: I got a two year old and a two month old.
Pat: Wait until they're old enough to call you a bitch.

"Ima 'bout to put this 40[oz] in the microwave." - Justin trying to thaw out a frozen 40.

Undercover Cop: Put the bottle down!
Pat: Fuck you nigga!

Me: Huh?
Justin: Just tryin' to rob people.

"I'm stealing this cat tonight." - Pat

Daily quote #552

Scott: Lets skate tonight.
Me: What's that?
Scott: Oh, that's that one thing we used to do before we became alcoholics.

"God, is it just me or do you get more and more perverted/horny every time we talk? ... .. I enjoy the fact you're dirty. Even though you only like me for my tits." - Erin/Ohio

"What's the worst that could happen?" - Justin as to bringing the entire club back to Bobby's for the after party.

"You can't talk to me like that. It's like having text sex." - Kelly

Daily quote #551

Me: Does Coors taste like apple juice?
Tanner: Apple juice for sure!

"Even though we joke about hating each other, I think you are a wonderful person and you inspire me to want to help people more." - Kelly

"You're pretty rad, Justin." - Kelly

Me: What does Coors taste like?
Jean-Marie: Apple juice.

"I still hate you. You're stressin' me out. I need a nap." - Kelsey

"So I have decided that you aren't always an asshole. I think you have a good side." - Kelsey

"Oh wow, yeah you sound really awake. No, we don't need you to come into work today, go back to bed." - Beth

Daily quote #550

"She one of those girls you don't try to fuck, but you get drunk and it just happens." - Anonymous

"I got $15 on your bail!" - Scott

"Ima rob a liquor store, everyone else is doing it." - Scott

"I'm drink my beer before I go to jail." - Scott

"Did I just hear a saw?" - Sam at 1am when a saw was plugged in inside the house.

"You're my 'hey' to my 'girl." - Lindsay

"Don't bring any skanks back here or I'll cock block all night long." - Lady working at the gas station

"My friend Kate donated plasma, got 50 bucks, and bought whiskey with it, and drank most of it the same day." - Joey

Daily quote #549

"I hope you get herpes." - Taryn

"Tell Scott I said fuck off." - Beth

Me: How do you know Ground's (a ground hog) cousin is a he?
Donna: Aren't all ground hogs guys?

"Scott and yours double survey was amazing." - Joey

"Pull your pussy out, I'll lick it like marathon." - Scott

"There go my tooth. Let me get up and check my shit. Out my way bitch, I just chipped my tooth.. .. .. I need a dentist.." - Scott

"Ima cry... qUOTE nigga . Donavon? Tampon wearin' ass nigga." - Scott (NOTE: I was drunk when I typed this and I have no idea what it's about or suppose to say.)

"Lemme get some Hol'e Mol'e and a dick punch dude." - Scott

"He fuckin' wid a nigga that love L.A. and L.A. niggas don't play." - Scott

Me: Is that a cop?
Scott: Nah.
Me: Dude, that's a cop. You're my DD?
Scott: Yeah, I'm your DD, I've only had three beers [as he puts his 40oz in the back seat].
*Cops stop riding our ass (after he blows through a stop sign) and turns around.*
Scott: Who's your DD? Yeah, that me.

"Who's going to be the first go pro and donate plasma and chug a beer?" - Justin

Moreese: Yo, you want any?
Me: Pills? Nah, I'm good. Thanks though man.
Moreese: Nah, thank you for advertising to the world.
Me: My bad.

Daily quote #548

Me: I'll be back tomorrow.
Father Bear: Ok, come earlier enough and bring some beer.

"Hey, I just realized; I haven't drank in a few days, and I haven't seen you in a few days either. What do you know?" - Donna

Me: Hi, I'm dumb.
Donna: Hi, I'm weird.

"I named my moped, Moped." - Donna

"What do you know? Here we are again, I barely know you and we're both drunk again." - Taylor

"Skinny pale white boy." - Kelly

"Shit nigga, the grass grow green? Fuck yeah it does, so yeah, you want another beer." - Scott

"Obama gunna' become president and just start freestylin' on the mic." - Pat

"That's the new thing to do. Donate plasma and go buy beer w/ the money." - Justin

"Ima bout to slang this dick to this bitch." - Roy

"Whatever makes you happy. If this [shooting photographs in downtown Flint] makes you happy, then great. I figured you'd want to do something that makes lots of money, but I guess it isn't about the money to you." - Mother Bear

Daily quote #547

"You're not funny. You are mean." - Kelly

"You are an ass." - Kelly

"Hello asshole." - Taryn (NOTE: That's the first thing she said to me when she walked in.)

"They should make blanket hoodies." - Customer in my store.

"So do you have a girlfriend yet? Oh wait." - Beth

"I've been banned from alpena county!" - Lauren

Me: How long you have them boxers on man?
Scott: I don't know. Six months. I'm on a mission! I'll get rid of 'em when the elastic blows out.

"If I had bumps on my dick I'd laugh." - Scott

Daily quote #546

"How you gunna freestyle w/ a chorus? This nigga freestylein' w/ a chorus! Woooow!" - Scott regarding Freddy B.

"I'll ketchup like a hotdog." - Scott

"I like your common people photos. You got talent, now you just have to learn to love JJ Langs." April (NOTE: JJ Langs is the most trashyest please I've ever been in and I won't step another foot in there again. Sorry sister.)

"Ill drink it down for you brah." - Billy

"Nicholi really wasn't that bad." - Taylor

"We can be friends in real life right?" - Kelly

Daily quote #545

"Have I ever told you that despite your faults, you really are quite an amazing guy?" - Erin/Ohio

"For once you're bummed about something other than CA. Maybe I should drink to celebrate." - Erin/Ohio

"Slut." - Kelly.

"You should have been wasted 6 minutes ago." - Erin/Ohio at 11:50pm

"You smell good, like you just bathed in beer." - Whitney

Whitney: Atleast tell me one reassuring thing to make me sleep in my own room.
Me: Bitch, go to bed.
Whitney: You're an asshole.

"I colored my tattoo today." - Whitney

Me: I was selling surf shirts when you called, for a company to have kids wear that have never seen a surf.
Tanner: Yeah man I feel ya, I sell books to people who dont know how to read.

"Dude I think its awesome the time of day you give to people down in Flint. That's just some straight up shit. Its nice to see, honestly." - Damon

"Stop having sex, because I know you are right now." - Kelly sent via text message.

Daily quote #544

"Float out to sea Captain!" - Dave as he throws a Captain Morgan bottle into the Flint river.

"You should change your voicemail message to 'Shooting crazy portraits of crazy homeless people.' That'll go over real well." - Tanner

"I'm watching surfing right now. That's cool I guess." - Tanner

"Hello Dumb." - Donna

"You must be pretty popular if everyone wants your bun in their oven." - Michele

Daily quote #543

"What the fuck? Do black people drink this? Do white people even drink this? .. What? It's a legitimate question isn't it?" - Stacie refering to the people at Rally's giving her tea instead of HiC.

"Aren't you black?" - Stacie

"It's a stick, you cheese-head." - Stacie regarding to her car being a stick or automatic.

"How do you think I got so good at it? You have to drink and drive during the day to know how to do it at night." - Scott

"I'm going to the Loft tonight w/ an ichy penis." - Joey

"Quit being a cocky bitch and I'll stop being a cocky asshole." - Scott

Daily quote #542

"I feel pregnant." - Kelly

"You're a really nice guy and I'm glad to hear you're saving your virginity for your wife when you get married, even though I think you'd be really good in bed." - Anonymous

"Are you really as awful as you seem sleazy?" - Donna

"What's up Blue Ribbon?" - Random guy downtown that has seen me three days in a row downtown drinking PBR.

"I had a dream that we got pulled over last night, but I don't remember what for. Oh yeah! We were driving down the railroad tracks." - Scott

"I just wanna do her because she's easy, but like, I want to do her someplace cool, like a counter top. See, you just wanna hump, but me? I wanna do it in exotic locations, like counter tops." - Anonymous

"You shoulda been like, 'Yeah? Well I'm going to jack off to your myspace default!' That's what you should been like." - Scott

"So when I get a shotgun we gotta shoot portraits." - Scott

"I grew up on Highlife and I ain't even grown up yet." - Scott

Me: Wait, what month is it?
Scott: I don't know; I stopped givin' a fuck.

"I wanna double dip. Fuck it. Even triple drip." - Scott

"Quit being a pansy and quote your own damn self." - Donna

"You are silly and awful at texting." - Donna

Daily quote #541

Me: You're fucking gnarly and slutty.
Lauren: I know right? That's what booze will do to you.

"Yo! There's seven cops out front. We need to quite it down a little." - Perry

"Cops out there and I'm talking shit." - Pat

"Yo, them haters are comin'." - Pat in reference to cops trying to bust up a party.

"Hey man, 15 will get you 20." - Justin

"Hey Bobby, if it comes down to it, I think we can take 'em." - Torey regarding fighting cops if they come in the house.

"We should open a bar." - Donna

Daily quote #540

"So I think I have it figure out; I just need to sleep w/ a married man then I can just blackmail him." - Melanie

"Good morning. You're dumb." - Donna

"I got strong sneakers." - Donna

"This is heavenly and we're drinking heaven." - Donna regarding to PBR 40s.

"I just get this really sleezy vibe from you, even w/ mannequin." - Donna

"You're going to get sued." - Scott regarding The Daily Quotes.

"I'm going to have to divorce my step-dog." - Donna

"Our friends are the coolest." - Scott

"Smell these [arm] pits. Betchya won't." - Dave

"My dad found my vibrator." - Anonymous

"Is Scott going to be the best man in your wedding?" - Kelly

"Why? Why do hate me the most? I never did anything to you?" - Kelly

"Did you just say want a tall African American girl?" - Kelly

"We have like five songs." - Kelly

"Nah, I don't like white hip hoppers." - Dom

Daily quote #539

"You're straight up Mr. Rogers." - Taryn

"You're the definition of an asshole." - Kelly

"I have more experience at touching things." - Kelly

"I can't believe I sound like a man sometimes." - Kelly

"You're going to knock my weave out." - Kelly

"Man, I'm tired. Too tired to even beat off. ... Haha, nah man, just kidding." - Scott

Daily quote #538

"I'll fuck you up." - Taryn

"Yo, I smell yallz weed over there." - Random guy downtown

"Tell Kim [part owner of Captive Boardshop] that I quit [the team]. They were nicer to me before I got on." - Joey

"I think something died in my car; It smells so bad. I'll need to find a new place to have sex." - Joey

"Yo, we keep doing this we gunna end up in jail. Beer runs and shit. Next we'll start bringing guns. Hey, The Game made us do it." - Scott

"Justin, have you been tanning? You have haven't you?" - Sam

"Are you two brothers, or cousins?" - Random girl at a party talking to Scott and I right when we walk in.

Daily quote #537

"Yeah, I kicked this girl right in her ass today. She deserved it though because she's a slut. I'd still tear that pussy up though." - Garrett

"I wonder who makes these things up. I want one that says 'there is no god.'" - Garrett regarding the Taco Bell hot sauce packets.

"Whoa, you see her face? She was a total hockey mom." - Joey

"You know those cars parked behind and in front of me? Yeah, I hittem'. Both." - Joey

"I'm peeing in front of Jesus right now... and all his niggas." - Scott while peeing in front of a picture of the Last Supper painting.

"Ima beat the bitch out that bitch." - Scott

Daily quote #536

"I can't decide whether to put you under 'Asshole of the Universe' or keep the original 'Tells' [in my phone]." - Kelsey

"Some people are book smart and some people are common sense smart. You're neither." - Kelly

"You should be a philosopher." - Michele

Me: I don't do dumb things. Ever.
Michele: Morgay? Yeah, that was pretty dumb.

"Don't talk to him; He's annoying, a jerk, and he lies a lot." - Kelly as she's introducing me to the new girl at work.

Whitney: I'm moving. I'm going to miss you.
Me: Mhmmm. Yeah.
Whitney: You don't have to be a dick, you can say 'I'll miss you too.'
Me: Oh, yeah, hah, whoops.
Whitney: You're an asshole

Me: I just got all four 50 Cent's albums.
Joey: Don't even talk to me if you're serious.
Me: No homo.
Joey: Jesus. I thought I knew you at least enough to know you better.

Daily quote #535

"You would really, like really really want to live in California?" - Mother Bear

"They think I'm an alcoholic." - Jean-Marie

"A.) You're a dick. B.) You're still a dick. C.) good idea. And the answer to the 'dick move?'.... see A.)" - Kelly

"Oh and one more thing, if I do, do it, don't think I'll be a Whitney #2." - Kelly in regards to her modeling for one photograph. See Daily Quote #492

"PHOTOGHRAPHERS GET ALL THE PUSSY! DUDE EVEN IF THERE'S NO BATTERIES IN THE CAMERA. CHICKS JUST DIG THE LOOK." - Lenny (NOTE: Lenny always types in capitals.)

"HERE'S THE DEAL NO DRESS, 1 PIC 3 BEERS!." - Lenny regarding a bulletin I had posted about needing a model wearing a dress and me paying them w/ a beer.

"Call me back when you're awake. You're not making words right now." - Melanie

"You can go fucked up. You're twenty-one and when you get in weird situations you get fucked up anyway so it's all good." - Scott

"I'm getting both you guys PBR and condoms for Christmas." - Lisa

"Hey Scott, nice hickey." - Lisa

"What's going to happen if I'm pregnant again?" - Melanie

"Your sister's a douche bag." - Nate

"If it walks, talks, and acts like a ho then it's probably a ho." - Matt K

"You can be a crackhead in a day out here want. You can be a professional skateboarder out here in a year if you want." - Matt K regarding San Francisco.

Anonymous: Just say, 'Are you pregnant or just on crack?
Me: Can I quote that?
Anonymous: Anonymous

Daily quote #534

"You're really promiscuous aren't you? You seem that way from the Daily Quotes." - Donna

"Fuck that, I'd kill myself, and if I was the guy? I'd kill the girl I got pregnant, and then I'd kill myself." - Heidi

"I'm gonna get beat up by this pregnant girl? Oh shit, she ain't gunna do shit. She's pregnant." - Heidi

"I felt it go into my skin; It was real fast." - Kelly

"So I might be late, if you know what I mean." - Melanie (NOTE: It isn't me.)

Me: Are you voting for the Brotha [Obama]?
Lauren: Oh fuck yes; I'm a democrat dumbass.

"Oh dude I'm getting so good at burning kids." - Dave

"I can't wait until one day when we get super drunk and I say I love you." - Melanie

"Them cokeheads get around, check yourself sometime foo', and those crazy bitches? Those girls are for life. they'll stick around." - Kelsey

"What is UP with your bitchass and crazy skanks?" - Kelsey

Daily quote #533

"She ain't go no ass, but damn! She got some tittes! She 18 or 19, or like, somethin' of age." - Scott

Steph: What, you're good at guessing if the baby is going to be a boy or girl?
Me: Naw, just at life. I'm always right.
Steph: Always?
Me: Always, duh.
Steph: You're full of shit Justin

"I think I used to think you were nice." - Beth

Me: I think I'm going to start being nice.
Beth: Oh yeah right. I don't think that's possible.

"I can't wait to get a super scummy apartment w/ you." - Melanie

Daily quote #532

"So the guy I thought I was going to start liking a lot, told me said he loved me. I thought, fuck you just ruined it!" - Melanie

Melanie: I got a speeding ticket for going twenty-three miles an hour.
Me: What was the speed limit?
Melanie: Twenty.

"Sometimes I just want to trade lives w/ you for a day." - Kelly

"Aww... so cute, but such a dick." - Alyssa

"By the way your daily quotes are really starting to make you look bad." - Dave regarding Daily Quote #531

Daily quote #531

"Oh my god, you're a bitch." - Melanie

"Oh my gosh. Are you sober?" - Alyssa

"Why are you always so mean? Oh my gosh, I'm hanging up on you right now. You're a jerk." - Alyssa

"I'll have to give you a rain check on that back rub." - Whitney

"I'm going to stab you bitch." - Kelly

"You can be dope like Jesus!" - Erin

"You're a fucking dick." - Scott

Daily quote #530

"Well, that must be why we get along so well." - Scott regarding one quote below.

"Drunks get along w/ drunks." - My FATHER

"I watched CSI Miami today, and Tony Hawk was murdered." - Tanner

Me: Guess where I'm at?
Melanie: I don't know, some place that gives abortions.

"You're an asshole, and I'm slut so it's alright." - Melanie

"She shouldn't be talking on the phone, if she can't talk and walk at the same time!" - Dave as he almost hits a lady while talking on the phone and crossing the street.

"What? You can't sell a damn kid for beer money!" - Dave

"Sell the kid for beer money." - Joey

"You skateboarder fuck!" - D.D.A. (Downtown Development Authority) NOTE: Yell from one of the Flint river to the other.

"Quote this: Jay Mitch is a fucking pile of shit. God I hate reading his fucking bulletins." - Tanner

"You dun luh deez hoezzzzz." - Taryn

"What a dumb slut." - Lauren

Daily quote #529

"Oh my god, can you quote yourself you dumbass?" - Melanie

"I didn't have a wrench so I got you a pipe clamp." - Joey

"Oh my god! Are those really the napkins Scott gave you? Right beside the bed?! ... You better not use them; I swear to god." - Anonymous

"It's like a dryer in here; It's hot and smells good." - Anonymous

"It was like Quick Draw McGraw and shit." - Scott after trying to run over a bunny in my yard while driving the Tracker.

"Wussup nigaaaaz?!" - Scott as he busts in my house unannounced while we're in bed

"Why do you want to go back to California? What's so great about it?" - Sandra

Daily quote #528

April: What? Did you just do what I think you did? [Regarding daily quoting the quote below.]
Me: Huh? No.
April: What'd I say?
Me: Nuttin'.
Father Bear: What'd you write?
Me: Nuttin'.
April: For real.
Me: Yeah, for real, nuttin'.

"So the boys were outside last night w/ a chain saw. We have no porch light, deck light, and no flash lights. After the chain saw stopped, I heard them w/ an ax." - April

"You wear tie dyed shirts and don't smoke pot?" - Random guy downtown Flint while skateboarding.

"This first time I had Jack [Daniels] I was babysitting." - Jean-Marie

Daily quote #527

"Remember Justin, don't have sexual intercourse tonight." - Kelly

"Bye Devante, I wanna suck your dick." - Anonymous

Me: Why'd you make that face?
Kelly: I'm really tired. Goodbye.

"So that night when I got home after eating those moldy raspberries you gave me? I had the worst diarrhea." - Kelly

Daily quote #526

Me: Did you get all four tires in his yard? [regarding when he hopped a curb in his car and did a lawn job]
Dave: Yeah, you know I don't do anything half stepped.

"Yo, I got that shit in the mail yesterday. My girlie thinks you're a sick fuck; I told her 'no babe, he's an artist with a vision!'" - Lenny regarding the dead cat photo I mailed him.

"Oh sorry dude, was I wildin' out?" - Scott

"Scott isn't black; Does he need a wake-up call?" - Beth

"You going to go home and take your purple drank and eat some chicken and watermelon?" - Beth

"I gotta piss. ... That was kinda manly like." - Beth

"You're smelling extra tuna-ee today Tuna Fish." - Taryn

"She like the Honda Civics of bitches." - Scott

"Just know that I'm not going to your wedding." - Kelly

"Here, these are for you to cum on next time you're fuckin' a bitch." - Scott as he hands me a stack of Little Caesar napkins.

Daily quote #525

"Smell my hair dude, it smells like your mom's pussy." - Scott

"You gunna be all up in PacSun smellin' like niggaz dick!" - Scott

"and what's he trying to be? A Backstreet Boy?"- Scott

"My first beer is going to be fresh and poppin'. Not, yeah I opened this forty-five minutes ago and all shook up riding Alice and shit." - Scott

"I'm just livin' my life; I don't care what I look like during it." - Jean-Maire

"I don't know whether to be depressed or happy that people think I'm just like you." - Jean-Marie

"The first time we high fived it was for a negative pregnancy test." - Erin

"I just put my head down and let the chick cop feel like a big man." - Dave

Daily quote #524

"Whoa dude, I didn't know we were walking into a Blink 182 party." - Scott in reference to Heidi's birthday bash.

"Blaaaaah" - Taryn as she's puking thirty minutes after the party starts.

"Tell Scott to quit being a douche bag." - Beth

"Heh, what's up 1991?" - Jean-Marie (Inside joke that a few people would get.)

Daily quote #523

"I love cleaning my ears. It feels like sex for a minute." - Scott

"You peeing right here? All of Saginaw Street just saw your penis." - Scott

"So I was thinking, you can't publish the Daily Quote book. Are you aware of how much I say nigga? [Yeah, so?] Nigga, I'm white! That shit ain't gonna fly when all these other niggaz see it. I'll be dead. Shot up. Boom! Boom! Dead." - Scott

"I will hyphenate your life muuuh-fuggaaa." - Jean-Marie

"You got herpes on your hands from fisting all on the dirty girls." - Dave

Daily quote #522

"You know it's a great high five when my left nipple gets hard." - Heidi

"I just gave her receipt a hand-job." - Heidi

"If you're wearing these pants, you can walk up in a church and come out w/ pussy around here." - Dave while holding up green pants at the Salvation Army.

"You're so good for the self-esteem." - Jean-Marie

"She still gets tattoos of stars and birds and shit. We're getting M.O.B. and beer. We grown ass niggas." - Scott

Daily quote #521

Me: Cheers for what?
Jean Marie: Life bitch!

"Nigga, you know this race is until we die right? Nobody wins until someone dies. Ima assassinate yo ass." - Scott

"First one to ten? .... Got aids." - Anonymous regarding taking pictures of pussies.

Me: Ima delete her.
Scott: I don't give a fuck. Ima fuck her.
Me: Can I quote that?
Scott: I don't give a fuck, Ima pick her up right now.

"You don't always want to post this pussy I hit. Na, not always the puss I hit." - Anonymous

Scott: You can fuck in my bed. Hey, what's mine is yours.
Me: I don't think I could, ever. No way.
Scott: You have before.
Me: Naw. When? Have I?
Scott: Vaaaaaaagbon!
Me: Whoops.

"They're rollin' seven deep! You got some wild life rollin' seven deep on your shit!" - Scott

"There's wildlfire on my porch; 5 raccoons and two possums on my porch. Pretty fucking deep." - Joey

"We should just drink 40z to make it through our day." - Scott

"We got a spiral staircase to our ghetto mansion." - Scott

Daily quote #520

"So? She can still roll her bean." - Scott while reading over my shoulder, the quote about Heidi not being able to have sex.

"I gotta piss? What the fuck?" - Scott moments after shitting.

"I think his hobby is sucking dick." - Heidi in regards to DBJ at work.

Heidi's Doctor: Oh yeah, and don't stick any foreign objects in your vagina for a week.
Heidi: How about five days?

"I want to have sex and I can't. I can't even have sex by myself." - Heidi

Scott: What time you gotta be at work? 5pm?
Me: Naw, 4pm.
Scott: Whaaat? My nigga. *cracks open a beer* You know you got about 15 minutes to get to work?

"How do you not get fired?" - Stacie

"You are a jerk. I would cry if I was your girlfriend." - Alyssa

Daily quote #519

"I'm going to put a shoe in your mouth one day." - Taryn

"Don't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad." - Dave

Me: Do you want a pit bull puppy?
Jean Marie: I have a chihuahua, it'll eat the mother fucker.

"I have to touch myself to remember what I want to say." - Jean Marie

"I just cheered to college drop outs, and I'm not even one yet." - Jean Marie

"Some chick older than me at the bar kissed my cheek, it was lol-worthy, I was faaaaaded, but she was rad looking." - Joey

"Sup titties? Nice to meet you." - Joey

Daily quote #518

"I could never keep track of how many times I call you an asshole." - Jean Marie

"Can you tell I'm smelling my armpits?" - Heidi

"Just want you to know that youre a piece of shit friend,but i'm willing to give it ONE MORE CHANCE, Tuna." - Taryn (This was the message sent w/ her friend request after I deleted her.)

"Bitch!" - Scott after taking the mirror off his grandma's car.

Daily quote #517

"You're obsessed w/ beating off because you pass up pussy left and right." - Torey to Scott.

"They shouldn't drive if they can't drink." - Scott

"Quit tellin' me it happened and I'll stop callin' you a bitch, bitch!" - Scott while on the phone.

"Yo man, you got a frog out there that's scarin' the shhhhhit out of me, and I already gotta shit! The closer I get to a toilet it's like, daaaaamn!" - Scott

"Yo, either I'm shittin' in your house or I'm shittin' in your driveway." - Scott

Daily quote #516

"I ain't cancelin' plans because of this girl. Nigga, you know we don't love these hoz." - Scott

Me: ...that was out the blue.
Scott: Well, I'm out of the blue type nigga.

Kelly: Is that the 'Everyone Wants To Bang You' shirt?
Me: No, I sold that one two weeks ago.
Kelly: Oh, looks like it.

"Don't even talk to me." - Taryn when she realized I deleted her off myspace.

Kelsey: Who calls you charming as fuck?
Me: Yo momma.
Kelsey: BITCH!

"You had better not delete me you douche." - Taryn

"Tuna, if you delete me off myspace were not friends anymore, ya hear?" - Taryn

Daily quote #515

"What are you wearing? You look really special." - Erin regarding the b-ball shorts and button up.

"I'm getting a D.U.I. or you're getting your shit impounded. You pick." - Scott

"Fuck that, I'm bustin' all up in bitches!" - Scott

"How did I end up w/ a sack of pot in my pocket?" - Scott

"Twenty beers later and we're at Taco Bell." - Scott

"Hey, did you delete me?" - Kelly

Daily quote #514

"Even though I'm not number one on your top eight, I know I'm number one in your heart." - Beth

"Did you delete me off myspace? [Yeah.] Why? Why me? Are you doing to readd me? You better. .. What are you writing? Why are you so mean to me?" - Beth

"I'm stuck it down my pants. ... ..I'm all bloody." - Taryn holding up a bloody tissue.

"You smell good. I want to lick you. ... Don't quote that. No, stop writing." - Kelly

"I'm not shorter than a gondo, asshole!" - Beth

"My gummy bears were having sex, and I ate them." - Heidi

"I have to poop. .. .. Now I don't, just pee." - Kelly

"I'm sensitive; like the head of a penis." - Heidi

"I like that we can do this without sex." - Heidi

"I don't understand why everyone has to drive like they're skull fucking someone!" - Heidi

"What can I say I'm a pretty bad ass individual." - Cynthia

"Pretty much, if you're not an asshole then you're a pussy." - Dave

"I had a dream last night and you were in it." - Kelly

Daily quote #513

"You look like a hash brown on that bike. You want some french toast?" - Scott

"I'll have you know you dented the shit out of my grandma's Tracker w/ that beer you threw the other night." - Scott

Nate: He's been fucking bitches. Hard.
Sister Bear: Don't quote that you douche bag.

"The computer should be faster than me." - Duane talking to the dartboard machine.

"What bar should we go to next? Oh man, was that fucked up?" - Duane talking to the bartender of a bar that smelled like stanky pussy.

Daily quote #512

"I want to go to AA. Bitches man. You know they're down to drink too." - Dave regarding Alcoholics Anonymous.

"You run w/ a crazy crew. Your daily quotes? Oh yes, don't think I don't read them because I do. It is the most vulgar thing I've ever read. I can't even think of ever saying some of this stuff, and I'm a girl!" - Donna

"You just mad that you isn't a slut." - Scott to some girl.

Daily quote #511

"Do you think his pants are sagging enough?" - Random Guy talking to his wife while standing behind me at work.

"I told you I loved you earlier and you never said it back." - Beth

"Get the purple once because you're gaaaaay." - Beth

"My nose is cold. I think I'm dying." - Jean Marie

"You're the biggest dickface I know." - Michele

"Does he insist on wearing little kids clothes to work?" - Beth

"You're getting underwear and socks for Christmas." - Melanie

"*The sound of a 40oz opening.*" - Scott opening a 40oz at 10:30am.

"Nigggggggga." - Scott talking in his sleep.

Daily quote #510

"I'm going to get an all black van and name it Thunder Death." - Dave

Me: I think I'm turning into you.
Joey: Great. Like son like father or something.

"I may not know how to start fires, but I know how to burn shit." - Dave

Me: Yo momma.
Jay: Step off.

"So what's the girl status right now?" - Jay

"Dude I'm so in a metal mood." - Dave

"I think she's 15, which is really bothering me because I'm almost 18. ... .. Her tits look 18." - Jay

"You're in for a treat." - Dave

Daily quote #509

"Welcome to Miller Time fool!" - Joey

"You're like the leach on my bank account." - Joey

"Is that a bag of pubes?" - Joey

"My grandma tried to add me on myspace." - Loranda

"I have a new title... Full time dad part time WHORE MONGER." - Jeremy

Daily quote #508

"This camera water proof? Naw nigga, beer proof." - Scott

"Do you think dinosaurs are non-gender?" - Heidi

"You're really getting rid of the 'everyone wants to bang you' shirt?" - Kelly

"Oh my gosh, an actual nice shirt!" - Steph

"You're a bully. Just an F.Y.I." - Loranda

"I'd just grab one leg, throw it over my shoulder and get that leverage! Ground and pound, baby yeah!" - Scott

"Justin, you would have quoted that bitch's face." - Erin

"The two main kids remind me of you and Scott." - Kelly

Daily quote #507

"Anyone want to go smoke some reefer and drink beers w/ me?" - Beth

Scott: Is she cute?
Me: She's 16.
Scott: I didn't ask that, I said is she cute?

"I like tuna. I don't care, I like it." - Taryn

Me: I'm an... [gets cut off by Beth]
Beth: An asshole? Yeah.

Daily quote #506

"It feels like I have a hard-on right now... Look." - Taryn

"My arm pits are dripping." - Heidi

"I almost wish I was pregnant so I could have an abortation, then I wouldn't feel sick anymore." - Heidi

"Not going to lie, I think me and you will marry." - Stacie

"Dude, I'm moving to San Fransico in two weeks." - Matt K

Daily quote #505

"You should rename the quotes to, 'I'm Two Weeks Behind On Quotes.' you slacker." - Taryn

"I don't love you anymore." - Kelly

"Smell my ears. They were real bad and smelled like pussy, so I Had to clean them pussies." - Taryn

"Ok, thank you. I love you. Bye." - Kelly

"You gotta have big ass equipment to suck on big ass titties." - Scott

Daily quote #504

"Don't question my man-hood." - Seven year old in the store today.

"What happened to the daily quote, yesterday?! You little shitheadddd." - Taryn

"You guys can't skate here. Take it to the ghetto." - Grand Rapids Police Officers

"You want some beer? I want a pony." - Dave talking to Whitney.

Daily quote #503

"I don't know how to juggle balls but I know how to juggle strippers.... ..You should probably quote that as anonymous." - Anonymous

Anonymous: Yo, I'll fist a bitch! Then I'll eat her out!
Me: I'm going to quote that shit so hard.
Anonymous: Naw.
Me: Yeah.
Anonymous: Naw.
Me: Yeah.
Anonymous: Naw!
Me: Yeah!

"I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you, but you were just being a cunt." - Scott on the phone w/ some random broad.

"I gotta call Lindsey. I kinda spit on her last night." - Scott

"Yo, you know what I'd do if I had 400 million credit card numbers? I wouldn't be here! Yall take Visa?!" - Scott

"Don't quote that, it'll make me look like a scummy bitch." - Scott

"I used to have a mustache." - Kelly

Daily quote #502

"I knew you were thinking about me; I felt my butt tingling." - Heidi

"Justin, if I made a list of guys to never date, you'd be number four." - Kelly

"Just wanted to let you know, I dreamed about you during my nap." - Taryn

"Nigga, you don't put the dope dealer on hold!" - Scott as he's on the phone doing what he does.

"I pretend to have a watch all the time." - Erin

"*A loud ruckus in the backroom* Ahhhhhh!!!" - Heidi

"Hair doesn't grow inside my vagina." - Heidi

"Shut the heck up." - Beth

"Maybe he quit skateboarding to have gay butt-sex all day." - Heidi

"How many times do you get called an asshole a day?" - Beth

"You're just being a full ass today?" - Cassy

"My eyeshadow matches your urine stains." - Heidi

Daily quote #501

"Tell Scott I want a maroon beanie and $40." - Joey

"No." - Whitney

Me: It smells like Taco Bell back here.
Beth: Is that a slam against me?

"You should start selling weed dude." - Scott

Daily quote #500

"If we had kids and it was a girl I'd put it up for adoption." - Whitney

"Go get yo shit bitch, and I'll go get my shit, bitch. Then we can trade this shit, ight bitch?" - Scott

"YOU SHOULD HAVE A 5OOTH BEST OF OR SOMETHING RAD LIKE A BEER AND MIDGET PUNCHING EXTRAVAGANZA! I DONT EVEN THINK I SPELLED THAT RIGHT. SHIT! NEVERMIND IM DRUNK!" - Lenny NOTE: His whole message was typed in capitals and I felt it made it that much better.

"I like how all I want to do in my freetime besides draw is drink and have drunk sex because of you. Don't quote that either because I think I'm serious." - Anonymous

"I drunk e-mailed someone." - Whitney

Daily quote #499

"Do you know I hate you?" - Kelsey

"I need a new word to replace 'asshole' for you. You've heard it so many times it doesn't affect you." - Kelsey

"God you're such an asshole." - Kelsey

Daily quote #498

"I was reading yesterdays quotes and I was wondering if you get with every girl you hang out with?" - Morgen in reference to daily quote #497

"When I first met you I thought you were an asshole stoner. Now I just think you're an asshole." - Amber

"Shit, I'd fuck a seagull. I mean, fuck, you'd do it too. You're stranded at sea, ain't nobody gunna find out." - Scott

Me: Scott I think you're an alcoholic. I think you might have a problem.
Scott: No way, I can quit at anytime.

"I believe that if you're in America, you have NO REASON to spell color as colour." - Billy

Daily quote #497

"Big Bear and King Cobra, pretty much anything animal named is cheap and

dope. If it's named after a natural disaster it's good too." - Billy regarding cheap beer.

"I'm going to get you a bunch of [Little] Caesars napkins from work so next time you're w/ a girl you can cum in the napkins and go out in style." - Scott

"You'll smuggle weed for me? You're a true friend man." - Scott

"They [China] can make my plastic forks, my cheap lighters, my gas station novelty toys, and WalMart, but not my beer." - Billy

"I'm so happy this conversation isn't recorded." - Kelly regarding some shit that shouldn't be recorded.

Me: What are you doing tonight?
Scott: Selling weed. You?

Me: When are you starting college?
Scott: I'm not unless you are.
Me: I'm not. Haha.
Scott: ight then.

Daily quote #496

"Yeah, I've noticed you don't hold back on your daily quotes; That's part of what makes them great I think." - Father Bear

"I missed my Astro Van Man." - Heidi with her teeth clenched.

"Have you been tanning? Your legs look African." - Heidi

"Quote me right or don't quote me at all!" - Heidi

"Check this out, I learned how to burp on command." - Heidi

"I'm thinking about getting baptized again because I've been saying some really mean things about people." - Heidi

Daily quote #495

"You just look like you smoke pot because you skateboard and you're trashy." - Whitney

"I drank three beers last night at Famous Dave's. One for Beth, one for you, and one for me. Yours was first. I chugged it." - Michele

"Quit being serious." - Whitney

"I'm going to buy you a nipple to drink out of." - Whitney

"Get water if you're thirsty, you'll stay drunk longer that way too." - Billy

Daily quote #494

"Yo, it's my birthday!" - Dave

"You're a nutcase!" - Dave

"You're a god damn liar." - Dave

"Thanks for denying me on life." - Whitney

"This is $12.99 so put it on the 'Kill Yourself' rack." - Beth

Daily quote #493

"Oh that's cute! [Looking at my skateboard tattoo] ..and, are you listening to Tupac? Awww sheeeit." - Girl working at Taco Bell

"Oh man, Beth is going to yell at this kid so much tonight." - Michele

"I'm going to have to yell at this new kid so much tonight." - Beth inregards to a new-hire at work.

"Friday is going to be filled with skateboarding, strippers, and booze." - Dave

Daily quote #492

"Are you aware the photographer just slept w/ the model?" - Whitney

"I'm not trying to get my balls tickled by Uncle Ball Toucher." - Dave

"Wouldn't that be awesome if you had a vagina on your hand so you can please yourself whenever?" - Whitney

"Are you coming onto me for more Boone's Farm? Geeze." - Dave

"*Snort*" - Whitney

"Betchya won't quote it!" - Dave

"Shane stressed me out and I'm not even dating the kid." - Dave

"Thugs have to learn their lesson when they're not thugs." - Dave

"I almost fought a dad at the skatepark." - Anonymous

"Everyone thinks I'm a sleeze because of you. ... I am though." - Dave

"I'm under-construction in the downstair area." - Whitney

"We can only hope to bas great as Matt K one day. You remember what happened last time I tried juggling ho's?" - Scott

"You have good legs for a guy." - Kelly

"I just woke up and went to go pee and it just all came out. Like, poooured, like a fetus and something." - Heidi

Daily quote #491

"Oh yeah, and the condom you left in my front yard? Nice touch." - Scott

"Next time I drink at a party I'm bringing duct tape." - Billy

"Lots of people talk about abortions too in these things." - Morgen referring to the Daily Quote.

"You inspired him? Haha. Do you get a lot of girls pregnant?" - Morgen in reference to daily quote #470

"Bum buduh da." - Billy

"I'm living w/ the 'What would Jake Phelps do?' mind set right now." - Billy

Daily quote #490

*Kelly knocking*
Me: Password?
Kelly: Sugar-free Grape Frosting.

"You should pull a Nancy Kerrigan when he walks back past. *whacking sound*" - Beth

"Justin, do not look at me or talk to me for the rest of the night!" - Kelly

"I don't know what was weirder; Me punching you or me stroking you." - Heidi

"You smell like skank." - Sister Bear

Daily quote #489

"*Pathetic attempts at whistling*" - Taryn

"Joey's a bitch." - Scott

"She just ruined her tits, they were nice, but now they're ruined. You can quote that too." - Scott

"Dicks dick dicks. Put 'em in my mouth." - Dave's roommate

Daily quote #488

"I wish I had your hand writing." - Kelly

"You smell like ghetto." - Kelly

"You're either super high or still drunk." - Kelly the second I walk into work.

"Hey, I saw you at the liquor store the other night." - Sara working at Citgo

"Who knew I'd find my true love at a grocery store." - Jen

"Get arrested tonight." - Jen regarding our last night in Long Beach.

"Oh man, I had sex last night and I think my back is fucked again." - Lauren

"Justin your ruined my life." - Kelly

"Were you getting dome in that picture?" - Scott

"Are you two skateboard professionals?" - Random lady on our flight

Me: Isn't she a virgin?
Scott: Who gives a fuck? Josh does it all the time.

"Fly safe ass. I didn't want to say it on the phone, it sounds gay. Don't piss off anyone wearing a turban and don't fuck w/ the people that make your food." - Melanie

"OJ [Simpson] will hit a bitch." - Scott

"I'm more that bitch's nigga than you." - Scott to Joey.

"You smell like skank." - Dave

Daily quote #487

"If you're going to be a dick, you can't be a pussy." - David

"I gotta get to the Secretary of State to get my hustle on." - David

"So the plan was to fuck her and turn her into a stripper and ruin her life." - David

Daily quote #486

"So I went tanning and my boobs and butt are really burnt and I can't wear a bra so my boobs look really weird and flat." - Kelly

"Did you come back more of an asshole?" - Michele

"Super Cock Block to Sweat Master General." - Dave

"He texts 911, not calls 911." - Dave

"I feel like I smoked weed that was laced w/ coke." - Taylor

"Justin, I barely know you and I'm wasted at your house." - Taylor

"Smirnoff is really good because I cannot feel my fingers." - Taylor

"I'll kick you in the 2 o'clock." - Dave

Anonymous: I have no problem stealing $1000 of merchandise from work a week.
Me: Can I quote that?
Anonymous: No.
Me: Anonymous?
Anoymous: Yeah.

"Yeah? That's what you're wearing?" - Scott while on the phone w/ some skaaaaank.

"Do you know how much fun flying is while drunk?!" - Dave

Taylor: So wait, you got all your stuff in one duffle bag?
Scott: My life.
Me: You're really planning on not coming back [from California are you]?
Scott: I might not.

Daily quote #485

"I missed the hell out of you while you were in California [in 2007] but I was so proud that you were actually happy out there, more so than it seems when you're here [in Michigan]." - Father Bear

Daily quote #484

"Have a safe flight you old man." - Father Bear

"Lets commit felonies before we leave." - Scott

"Lets get helmets." - Scott

"Lets get arrested in LA." - Scott

"You smell like a skank." - Someone to someone.


NOTE: This will be the last Daily Quote until Monday when we return from California.

Daily quote #483

"She scared of dick. For real!" - Scott

"I've been on the biggest blow it out your ass trip." - Scott

"The big just wanted to get a nut. It was just watching us pee." - Heidi

"Are you wearing eye shadow? Your eyes look really pretty today." - Heidi

"I'm not in the quoting mood." - Kelly

Daily quote #482

"You better not quote me from last night." - Erin

"It'll be like you're peeing in two different days at once." - Jessica in reference to me peeing at midnight.

"I like how I have four bobby-pins out of seventy." - Erin

"You can quote me; I didn't say anything racy." - Erin

"I thought this ground was smooth." - Tanner regarding a Flint skatespot.

"It never hurts to have extra [finger] prints on a gun." - Scott

Daily quote #481

Scott: I didn't step on his [Chopper's/Scott's Dog] balls.
Josh: No, but you toe fucked his asshole.

"You're pregnant, you can't drink." - Scott to his dog.

"Coffee? Man, you so old right now." - Scott

"She's right." - Beth regarding Amber's quote below.

"You're the dickest guy I know." - Amber

"I'm up but I'm totally down." - Dave

"Bitches love stars." - Erin

"Maaaaan you're cheap." - Guy at the gas station as I carry up four 40ozs of PBR.

"You write like a girl!" - Katie

Daily quote #480

"I smell weird." - Katie

"Will you please just take me to the back and cut up my arms w/ a box cutter?" - Heidi

"I'm getting so mad and my boobs keep getting bigger." - Heidi

"If I die in a tornado, just know that I love you. .... .. Say it back!" - Kelly

"It smells like rain." - Kelly standing outside while it was raining.

"You could be a drug dealer and your cover could be photography, but you can do real photography too. Like in the show Weeds, but not a bakery." - Kelly

"Ain't no party like a Flint town party cause a Flint town party don't stop!!!" - Dom

Daily quote #479

"TJ is pissed at you. The ex-boyfriend is pissed at you. I don't know, people just keep getting pissed at you." - Erin

"You can walk further when you're drunk." - Guy at the gas station

"Justin you just look better in shorts. You should wear them all the time, even in the winter." - Kelly

"You're not going to get employee of the month w/ that attitude Justin." - Kelly

"Your rocks are on fire." - Dave

Daily quote #478

"Ok, this conversation ends now because I don't know how I'd feel about talking to you while I'm changing my clothes in the bathroom." - Heidi

"I'm going to go get purple, don't worry." - Heidi

"Alright, peace dad." - Joey

"I like your shorts. Get them at Hollister?" - Josh

"Man, I can't wear this shirt; I can already hear Justin's shit." - Josh regarding a Power Lifting shirt.

Scott: Peep it. *points to fish tank*
Me: What's in it?
Scott: Not a damn thing.

"This place is driving me to drink!" - Michele

"I left dumb and dumber out there to run the store alone." - Beth

"You smell like a man." - Erin

Daily quote #477

"Did you quit Sears yet?" - Beth

"Quote that bitch!" - Jason overheard in the background of a voicemail.

"Justin, can you score me some marijuana?" - Heidi

"Justin, I am going to kick you in the face." - Erin

Daily quote #476

"I had a nightmare that I had YOUR kid and that I actually liked it. Then it got taken by a vampire, and I had to get back obviously. I ended up liking one of the vampires though, because I'm a whore." - Melanie

"Who's white?" - Jeremy

"He looked like a Holly fuck." - Dave

"We should make a skate video promo all in nightshot mode." - Tanner

"I like how I pee outside but still go inside to wash my hands." - Tanner

"Race your cock dude." - Tanner

"I'm not taking a picture of you dickass." - Tanner

"No I'm not going to take your picture. I'm not wasting film on you." - Tanner to Dave.

Daily quote #475

"Man, I think we got high off that chlorine." - Tanner

"It's so much easier than life. It's so much easier than reading." - Tanner regarding loading film in the 80 cent.

"I was acting like an Asian tourist last night." - Tanner

"I'm not giving you a discount on abortions. " - Dave

"We can do shrooms and listen to Ace of Bass." - Scott

"I can smell your failure from here." - Dave in reference to me knocking over a beer.

"Are you wearing pants right now?" - Erin

"Oh my gosh, there's quotes everywhere!" - Beth

"What, is he retarded? Quote that so he sees that I said that." - Beth in reference to Scott.

"And when you're in the back w/ the box cutter, rememeber it's down the river, not across the stream." - Heidi

"Some couples have their songs, we have whiskey." - Heidi regarding her and her boyfriend.

"Time for me to drain the lizard!" - Heidi

"I put it in the wrong hole!" - Heidi

"Look at your hair, your hair looks drunk." - Heidi

"She's a skunk w/ an A" - Heidi

"Have fun being gay." - Beth

"Justin, don't be surprised if I kick your ass as soon as we walk through those doors." - Heidi

Daily quote #474

"We didn't think it'd be that loud when it blew up." - Scott after throwing a 40oz bottle up by throwing it in a fire.

"Oh, Josh is over? I'll bring two joints then." - Joe

"We're talking about squirrels. I love it." - Erin

Daily quote #473

"Love the clip art." - Tanner in regards to the new Grand Blanc skatepark's logo.

"I'm going to do 500 50-50s until my axle shows." - Jason

"I'm going to have a heatstroke if I don't get some beer." - Tanner

"I can do a nollie impossible, but..." - Random Kid at the new Grand Blanc skatepark.

"I got an idea! Light bulb bitch!" - Tanner

"You're like my dad. .. ... Watch this dad!" - Joey

"I remember when you first got hired in, I thought you were going to get fired right away." - Taryn

"Do you seriously not smoke weed?" - Michele

"You're like, always high on something." - Taryn

"Dude, my hands are so sweaty you can actually see the sweat." - Taryn

Daily quote #472

"So Dave, for real, would you suck Zared off?" - Tanner

"You can't be an asshole after this." - Erin

"I hope Justin dies in his sleep." - Heidi

"Justin, I'm not going to lie, you wear some ugly ass shirts, but that is by far the worst." - Michele

"You got any bread for this ice cream?" - Joe

"What if I was moving keys of coke?" - Scott at a party w/ a bunch of cops.

"We don't wanna have to shoot nobody!" - Random Brotha at a party.

"I ain't gunna fight a cop." - Scott

"Bitches are crazy!" - Karaa

Daily qutoe #471

"Yeah, I fought a cop. It was pretty sweet." - Whitney

"Are you going to be Jay Z or Beyonce?" - Heidi

"You remind me of you." - Heidi

"Oh God, is Justin doing shipment back here?" - Heidi as she walks in the back room at work and hears [Young] Jeezy mega loud.

"Do you know how weird you are?" - Heidi

"If I gave you this test you have to be a dick." - Michele

"42nd 8th ave. You're my notepad." - Joey (All that was sent via text.)

Daily quote #470

Me: You're cheese.
Heidi: You're a cracker.

"She has your quote in the bathroom with her." - Beth

"This isn't my hair." - Beth

"Oh yeah, I'm going into business. [What kind of business?] Abortion business; Mega punchin prego bitches 20 bucks a pop. Literally. Good idea huh? Half off for you cause you inspired me." - Dave

"Come on dude, after you get in there, anyone can get in there w/ a fist." - Scott

Daily quote #469

"Meet me at The Loft, I'll share my tongue with you." - Whitney

"Why is it that everytime I work with you, I want to drink?" - Michele

"Hah, Kelly is here, you know, with her boyfriend. Hah, he doesn't like you." - Beth

"Don't get caught slippin' on the daily grind." - Billy

"Am I not allowed to pee in peace?!" - Michele

"Will you not call you me dumb, you asshole?" - Melanie

"Well you know I've thought about being a part time Wolfman, Justin. I just don't think the health benefits make it worthwhile." - Scott Hetkowski

"You guys duct taped that sign to the ground with your phone number on it." - Scott Hetkowski

Daily quote #468

"You're the last person I'd take advice from." - Jay

"Black people skate pools? Since when?" - Jay

"You scum fuck." - Dave

"I'm tellin' you mega punches dominate any situation especially pregnancies." - Dave

"911 can you please hold?" - 911 Dispatcher as I try to call in a car accident.

"Whatever dude, I don't look special ed." - Scott

"You guys been in California, or just not coming in here?" - Kim at Captive in regards to us not being in their shop much lately.

Me: Son of a bitch!
Scott: What?
Me: I dropped my toothpick!
Scott: There's some Q-Tips in there.

"Tell that bitch to Golden Gate herself." - Scott

"I don't need nor do I want a baby. Especially yours." - Morgan

"Maybe I can pawn my mom's vacuum cleaner. She paid like, 2 Gs for that thing, maybe I can get fifty bucks. I hate it." - Scott

Daily quote #467

"I'm like a black man; I have no [dance] moves, I hate water, I'm scared of woods." - Billy

"I think my mom is having sex right now." - Erin

"I don't think I'm fucking grape ice cream either you dumb fag. That doesn't even exists." - Morgan

"Sorry, I've been drinking for a while now." - Billy

"How much is a half cup of vodka?" - Mother Bear

"Well if you get better really quick I'll come over for a quick fuck. Hop fast like a bunny, or rather, hump fast like a Justin." - Whitney

Daily quote #466

Me: Yeah, I'm sick as fuck. I've been taking Robitussin all day.
Tanner: RobiTRIPPIN'!

"We're getting fucking smaaaashed at the Phoenix Arizona airport." - Scott in regards to our four and a half hour layover.

"Would you like me to preform an abortion?" - Heidi as she dangles a hanger.

"You're penis is a vagina!" - Heidi

"Justin, you're a girl and you don't even know it!" - Heidi

"You're such a fucking dick." - Kelly

"You're 3/4th of a mile!" - Heidi

"My right boob is bigger than my left. I think it's because I'm on my period." - Kelly

Daily quote #465

"It's always the slutty ones you fall in love with." - Scott

"Welcome to Texas. Here, have two tickets. This place loves me." - Melanie

"I don't want to die from Jello. I want to go out in a blaze of glory. You know how much pussy I'd get?" - Scott

"Hopefully my plane crashes and I'm stranded in Long Beach." - Scott

Daily quote #464

"We've known each other for how long? I think it's time we have sex." - Alicia

"I'll clean you out real good." - Alicia

"Kentucky smells like cheeseits." - Melanie

"You got that 'Hey im a dick' game girls love. I have that 'Hey I'm a dumb nice guy' game most strippers love." - Dave

"I have no game, and thats what gets the girls I go for." - Dave

"Coolers are a must now." - Dave regarding summer and warm beer.

"I wanna chop down a tree when I get back." - Dave

Daily quote #463

"Do you want two teabags?" - Cynthia

"I only got pregnant three times." Random person overheard in the mall.

"Do anything retarded lately?" - Melanie

"I think someone needs to read Flirting 101, and set down: How to be an asshole." - Melanie

"I broke a tree's training wheel today." - Heidi

"Shut up you asshole." - Beth

"You pick her up and all you feel is like, big nipples." - Kelly

"My cat should be having incest babies any day now." - Kelly

"Ruthless." - Joey

Daily quote #462

"Ground and pound!" - Scott

"You scumbag son of a bitch ." - Scott

"I trust that nigga with my nipples." - Josh

"Not going to lie, boobies are a huge plus." - Joe

"Oh shut up and go jump in your fire." - Maya

"Get ready to drain the forties." - Tanner

"I've been out of the game for a minute, gotta get hoes on lock again." - Joey

Daily quote #461

"It's like my momma walking around w/ panties and bleeding everywhere." - Anonymous

"I think I might hit up the tanning salon before we go [to California]." - Scott

"Are you dumb? You're dumb. Seriously dumb. ... .. You can't quote that, they'll think I'm a mean boss." - Michele

"So it's a guy?" - Michele

"Your measurements are awesome. Telling me a tattoo size based on a can and time measurements based on songs." - Erin

"You know how fun it'd be for us three to go to jail? Haha, we goin' to jail tonight!" - Scott

"Lets get that [tree] stump nigga!" - Scott

Anonymous: I'm telling you dude, you should cum in a bitch. Shit feel so good!
Me: Haha, shit man. Can I quote that?
Anonymous: Anonymous.

"Look at that nasty ass picture. She look fat as hell. You probably got her pregnant." - Josh

"They about to scrap. This nigga ain't fuckin' around." - Scott regarding two cats about to fight.

Daily quote #460

"You should be fucking ashamed of the person you are." - Morgan

"Can't you ever be nice?" - Melanie

"I have a bra that makes my boobs look bigger." - Melanie

"Did you leave me last night? ... I can't believe you left me last night!" - Melanie

Daily quote #459

"Well I'm not showering for you, just so you know." - Melanie

"What? Justin, you're a fucking idiot. Are you drunk." - Melanie

"Joe, just shut the fuck up and get high, because you're blowing my mind." - Scott

"Does he still have his kid?" - Joe

"That was the night I couldn't pee." - Joe

Daily quote #458

"I think we should drink while we're in here." - Beth at work.

"What did you smoke before you got here today?" - Michele

"Oh Justin, I'm going to punch in one day." - Michele

"They all pink on the inside pimpin'!" - Scott

"I topped the [Geo] Tracker out to stretch the Durex [condom]." - Scott

"An actual camera w/ actual film? Do you believe it?! I don't!" - Duane

Daily quote #457

"I'll like you again tomorrow, but not today." - Heidi

"You don't want to make momma angry." - Heidi

"You always send the truth while drunk." - Jen

"Don't angel me!"- Maya

"You're an asshole..but yet, I LOVE that you're my friend." - Kelsey

"You ain't all about the pussy with attachments." - Kelsey

"Fucking kids with their dumb ass sweatshirts and shit." - Kevin

"You love demeaning women. That is very 'hip-hop' of you." - Kevin

"Fuckin' skanks." - Kevin

Daily quote #456

"You're never going to find anyone as good as me." - Morgan

"I'm too drunk to type fast, I can't even tell you how much I have to backspace." - Billy

"I am going to drink heavily tonight when I get out of work." - Michele

"Everyone loves a nice pair of tits! Wow, I can't believe I just said that." - Loranda

"I've already been kicked out twice, they'd probably kill me the third time." - Billy referring to him getting into Canada again.

"How come bitches that always do photography are fat?" - Billy

"I'm not even wearing legit actual clothes and I'm still so hot." - Maya

"Wake me up and I'llfeed you breakfast." - Scott

"I need a beard. That would be so awkward/amazing." - Joey

"You're so negative sometimes, I love it." - Joey

"I'm amazingly fit." - Erin

"Non drunk nights are boring." - Scott

"That place [Churchills] is good for fucking whores and finding coke heads to fall in love with. Trust me, I know first hand." - Jeremy

Daily quote #455

"We need to get you thugged out." - Scott

"Hello, king of random." - Erin

"I'm gunna wash myself ho, the milkspiller stinks." - Scott

"Good morning sunshine." - Todd

"I ain't purple ice cream; I'm on that neon green rare and tasteless shit." - Dave

Daily quote #454

"Ground and pound nigga. Ground and pound." - Scott

"If we don't win this game and you don't smash that 40oz [bottle] on that TV, I'll call you a pussy for the rest of your life." - Scott as we're watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.

"No wonder your ass can't keep a girlfriend." - Brenda (Scott's Mom) as he's taking a nasty ass shit.

Me: What are you doing?
Scott: Busting nuts in all your socks.

"No, you can't quote that, not even as anonymous." - Scott

"That condom I got off you broke you asshole. You didn't poke a hole in it did you?" - Anonymous

"I'm going to burn you then sctrach you, and you're going to see how much it hurts. Jerk." - Maya

"Doucher." - Maya

Daily quote #453

"Maybe you're just too nice." - Steph

"Yeah but her boyfriend is gay." - Beth

"Yall done partyin' for the night? Shhhhit, three 40z? Yall ain't done partyin' for the night." - Roy

Daily quote #452

"I've done more things on accident then most people do on purpose." - Scott

"I'm telling you right now, if you ever come at me w/ a mask, I will kill you." - Melanie after seeing that Strangers movie.

"I just might do her mom too." - Scott

"Yo, I don't know what happened. I'm black, I dipped out." - Quad regarding the kegger that got busted by the cops.

"You slang drugs. I slang pizzas. I slang drugs when I need to." - Scott

Me: It takes me atleast a 24 [ounce] to be around people.
Scott: Haha, quote that shit nigga.

Me: Fuck it, this fire isn't going out anytime soon.
Scott: ..and this beer isn't going to drink itself.
In reference to the neighbors possibly calling the cops for our fire last night.

Daily quote #451

"You should get it published; It'd make a great book." - Father Bear in regards to The Daily Quote.

"I've been deported [from Canada] twice, it's not fun, I''ll tell you that." - Billy

"It'll end up being some good lollerskate seshs." - Billy

"Girlfriends equal waste of time & money." - Billy

"People are getting so angry with me because of my myspace and facebook status's." - Billy (his myspace status says: 'Billy is resorting to the bastard life with women, unless there's one that ends up being worth that. Otherwise, it's all about pussy and free food.')

"You're too good looking to mess around w/ her." - Anonymous to Anonymous at a party.

"How come all your friends dress wigger, and talk wigger but not you? You just talk it and listen to the music, you don't look it." - Kelly

"He got fat fuckin' ankles." - Brenda (Scott's Mom) talking about Scott's ankles.

"Where's the Fountain of Youth Chopper? I know your bitch ass has been drinking from it." - Scott as he's talking to his dog that can eat a pound of chocolate, drink Captain Morgan, drown, and still run laps around a year old puppy. He's indestructible.

"Yo, yall need any vic[odin]s?!" Random guy while a few of us pumped gas at a gas station.

"I didn't do drugs. Only pot. Well, I did coke about ten times I guess." - Corey

"Are you at a fucking bowling ally?!" - Jeremy

Daily quote #450

"10:19pm? I should be at home and wasted by now!" - Michele about clocking out nineteen minutes after what we should have.

"I can't wait to get home and drink." - Michele

"If you knew how big of a whore I used to be, you'd never stop making fun of me." - Kelly

"I don't know how a girl can be so obsessed w/ you." - Kelly

"You asshole." - Beth

"I don't want to skate w/ losers. Crowe is cool." - Matt K

"I'm calling about the pink, and I'm not talking about the pussy." - Matt K

"I stopped giving a fuck when I was able to buy booze." - Billy

"If there's a bitch over, I got separate blankets that are crispy clean." - Billy

"I'm so bad at the sleeping game." - Tanner

Daily quote #449

"You ever see a cat's balls? All furred over and shit." - Scott

"I keep my goodies in the jar." - Heidi but not really talking about her goodies.

"I can see you in those shorts and can imagine you looking really gay." - Jen regarding my dope ass corduroy cut-off shorts.

"You're not really talking to your boxers are you?" - Jen

"Eat two big ones." - Melanie

"I'm going to punch your jugular." - Maya

"I care about my teeth more then I'll ever care about anyone." - Maya

Daily quote #448

"You're making a huge mistake." - Morgan

"Quit quoting me and get the fuck out of my driveway." - Scott

"I like them hard or soft." - Beth

Me: Cut off shorts. Pocket tee. Slips ons w/ no socks. Tomorrow is my hippie day.
Scott: It's your no pussy day.

Daily quote #447

"I'm going to give you a boner in Taco Bell." - Anonymous to anonymous.

"You taste like cheap beer." - Anonymous to anonymous.

"God, if anyone were to rob you they'd be bored." - Melanie

"I want to shoot you w/ this so bad." - Melanie as she's holding Scott's gun.

"I'll be watching the Pistons game and drinking Man Water if you guys want to stop by." - Jeremy

"You fuck truck pussy, you'll fuck anything." - Josh

"You can't quote that man, bitches will know I won't pull out." - Anonymous

"If it weren't for abortions I'd be a daddy." - Anonymous

"You should throw a house party. If you do it, I'll do it." - Joe

"Do you smoke weed yet?" - Joe

"Moms in Canada till Thursday, and I've got more alcohol, weed and money than I know what to do with." - Joe

Daily quote #446

"Drinkin' fo' free niguh!" - Billy

"Where's the closet liquor store? I need some liquor." - Some guy at work.

"What were you thinking? You obviously weren't." - Beth

"We went from sitting down and chilling to up and dancing and rapping in no time! Like fuckin' twenty minutes and Joey was eating sticks and we were bro-fiving and chest bumping." - Scott

"I used to have a dog that drank beer." - Lady at Rite AID as she watches my roll of film drop out the machine.

Me: Why'd you nut in her dude?!
Joey: You told me to!

"Yeah we goin' to jail tonight." - Scott regarding last night's fire.

"My eyebrows hurt." - Joey

"I don't know why I black-powered you." - Joey

"He all white now but wait until he gets elected, he'll start wearin' Fubu and chains and shit. He'll say, 'Yeeeeah nigga!!! GOTHCHYA!'" - Scott regarding Obama getting elected.

"I can never get that much wood." - Erin

Daily quote #445

"I'm gonna have her call you and if my mom actually calls don't be surprised." - Jeremy hookin' a brotha up.

"I'm a man, I always have a plan." - Duane

"She wanna get wid your cute ass. Shit, I'd wanna get w/ your cute ass if I was a bitch." - Scott

"Pretty much anything with booze and a bathtub full of ice is a blast." - April

"I'm crazying drunk. I don't even know what's going on." - Todd

Scott: Lets start sellin' weed.
Me: Can I quote that?
Scott: Yeah, it's good for business.

"Music so loud and fire so big. We livin' illegal!" - Scott

"This is a couch burning fire!" - Scott regarding Saturday's fire.

Daily quote #444

"Pop is just like beer, but I ain't quitin' that. Beer ma nigga. I can't quit on my nigga!" - Scott

Me: Sometimes I hate myself.
Beth: Sometimes I hate you too.

"You're such an ass." - Michele

"I was like what the fuck? Then I looked up and said, 'What the fuck?'" - Michele

"Fuck this place." - Beth while closing at work.

"Be like, 'My bad, Red Wings won, and I had beer.'" - Billy as he gives me a valid excuse to be late for work.

"Quit cummin' in her. You fuckin' her up too much." - Scott

"It's funny how my game worked this time." - Scott

"This girl just told me i have nice wrists." - Maya

Me: You're a picnic.
Maya: That was dumb.

"The ground out here makes my [skate]board look as though it went through a shark attack." - Matt K

"Michigan sucks for skating. Seriously." - Matt K

Daily quote #443

"I just found a dead dog in my Koi Pond." - Jeremy

"I don't want a gay boyfriend." - Anonymous

"Mom, I don't think your boobs will fit into that... ..Well, maybe they will." Little girl to her mother in THE store.

"Go to the bathroom and stop touching my racks." - Michele

"Of course you're having a bad day [Michele], Justin is here. Everyone has a bad day when he's here." - Kelly

"You're always quoting. I'm not going to talk ever again around you, is that what you want? [Me: Yeah, actually.] You're so mean." - Kelly

"You look kind cute today." - Kelly

"That one has to be anonymous. If you're going to quote it, quote it as anonymous only." - Heidi

"I don't smoke. I smoked two joints by myself yesterday." - Anonymous

Me: Are you high?
Heidi: Very.

"Hah, no beer today?" - Gas Station Worker #2 as I'm getting rung up for my ice tea.

"Stockin' up on beer early today?" - Gas Station Worker #1 as I'm intend on buying an ice tea, not beer.

"Bryan's suppose to die soon, hopefully." - Scott regarding the guy that knocked Brenda up.

"April told me her vagina was going to bleed makes me wish I was aborted." - Nate

Kelly: Don't call me a bitch.
Me: I didn't, I called you a beoch. B-E-O-C-H not B-I-T-C-H. Beoch.
Kelly: Whatever.

Daily quote #442

"Hey man, you want to buy some pot?" - Three random kids on my street as I walk to go check my mail.

"You guys are just looking for trouble." - Mother Bear in regards to seeing this photo of Scott.

"I'm for real, don't quote any of that." - Kelly

"Goodbye dear." - Kelly

Me: It's a shame I can't quote a whole story.
Kelly: You can't quote any of that.

"You fucker." - Michele in response to me pretending to call in this morning.

"She in luv wid ya ass? You must have a big dick because you ain't really that cute." - Scott

"It hard to take a nigga serious when he wearin' spandex and a tampon." - Scott

"Scott get on liquor and it get like Scott gunna split a nigga's wig open." - Scott

"Skunk pussy. Haha naw, but there's a skunk in my backyard. Evaded that beast like a son-of-a-bitch. A.K.A., Pussy'd out and went through the front door." - Billy (Taken from his bulletin)

"We destroyed our dishwasher; I kicked it in." - Billy

"You ain't even drunk yet." - Scott as I spit game.

Daily quote #441

"Don't be gay, Gayboy." - Jeremy

"It's like hard air." - Heidi

"Don't you hate it when you play Hide-And-Go-Seek and you have to pee but you can't because you're hiding?" - Heidi

"I sprayed my armpits w/ perfume." - Heidi

"They're trying to convert me at home. They put chicken in the peanut butter. I can't even eat the peanut butter at home!" - Heidi

"How you going to let those girls dog all over you in your daily quotes!?" - Jordan

"Wait till you get liquor going up your nose; I screamed." - Billy

Daily quote #440

"I think I met your twin, or brother. He is the biggest asshole I have ever met." - Melanie

"College? Drop out niggi." - Scott

"Fall classes? Who are you kidding? You aren't going back to school." - Erin

"Agreed." - Lin-zee regarding Morgan's quote below.

"Why do you need to know when college starts, you're up to something, aren't you?" - Morgan

"What're you up to, besides forging shit?" - Lin-Zee

"Joey gets laid?" - Jamie

"Maaan, ain't no one give a fuck about a boyfriend. .. ... Boyfriends ain't shit these days." - Josh

"We [Beth and Taryn] were just making fun of you." - Beth

"Think we can drink a whole fifth before we get off the plane." - Scott regarding out flight to California.

"That bitch is hitchin' [hiken]? Fuck hitchin' on North Sag[inaw]!" - Scott after seeing a woman hitch hiking (or hookin') on N. Saginaw.

"What if you got ass cancer bro?!" - Scott

Daily quote #439

"Pooooof!" - The Fire as a lighter explodes

"Lets burn the rocks." - Damon

Damon: Ahh.. nail in my fuckin' foot!
Scott: Yes!!!

"Sometimes I wish I never met you." - Morgan

"Yo crib nigga. I keep hearing about these bon fires." - Damon in reference as to where to drink last night.

"You're such a horrible son." - Erin

Mother Bear: Have you ever thought about growing green beans? Eating fresh green beans?
Me: No, I've thought about growing pot though. Sellin' it fresh!
Mother Bear: What?

Daily quote #438

"Is it weird that you mean more to me than any guy here outside of my brother and father?" - Erin

"I don't say it very often because I'm heartless, but you're a really amazing person." - Erin

"That bitch get pregnant and I'll kill the bitch." - Scott

"I ain't even got a phone and you want me to buy you a bitch test? Shit, wear a condom once in a while!" - Scott

"Save a few checks and Ima take a bitch on a honeymoon!" - Scott

"I was giving [censored] head at 1am. But that was only until about 1:02am." Anonymous

"I'm sweaty." - Kelly

"Scott will get a girl pregnant before you will." - Kelly

"I don't care if I have a hickey. Everyone already thinks I'm a slut and a whore." - Kelly

"Can we stab each other so we can go home?" - Heidi during last night's floor set.

"You're my favorite person." - Heidi

"Justin you smell like a god!" - Heidi

"This nigga think he a Boy Scott." - Josh as Scott is trying to make a fire.

Me: Bowling ally bitches? Shit. Four condoms please?
Kelsey: ..and you'd STILL get AIDs.

Daily quote #437

"You're a smooth one. If you get a call back, they obviously have no standards for employees. At all." - Kelsey regarding my application I filled in while drunk w/ multiple spelling mistakes and scribbles.

"Shudda shaved dat pussy den." - Josh

"Anything will be moist after a good blow out." - Nate

"I walked in while my parents were wettin' it twice." - Duane

"I laughed so hard when I saw I had a texted from 'Tels'." - Kelsey

Daily quote #436

"Justin, I always have a dirty mouth." - Kelly

"I love how the only two people rapping is me and the two black dudes." - Scott

"Dey lit that and all my eyebrows were all gone!" - Random brotha in reference to the fire picture below.

"I hitchya momma wid tha reach around." - Scott to Josh.

"That the loosest pussy I ever seen!" - Scott

"Yo, I bought that keg w/ a fake ID!" - Chris Roberts

"Who wants beer?! I have a fake ID!" - Chris Roberts

"Fuck it, I ain't tryin' to drive home in a straight line." - Scott while chugging beers.

"I heard you lost your v-card." - Over heard from across the room.

"Pussy will fuck a nigga up." - Random brotha at the party.

"I know the keg isn't all gone because I know there aren't any real niggaz there." - Scott

"You know we're having at least a kid, right? And you can't punch me when I'm pregnant, and wire hangers are not allowed in out house." - Erin

"Go to a bookstore for pussy. Or any place that sells hot chocolate." - Erin

Daily quote #435

"And like. Wow, I hate you." - Erin

"I just drink like a fucking fish." - Tanner

"Sup, worthless?" - Erin

Me: I think I'm going to take next week off boozing.
Billy: Me too, lets make a pact.
Me: Haha, I don't know about all that. For how long?
Billy: One week.
Me: Five day week or seven day week?
Billy: 5 nigga, Five!

"Fuck, I need to start hustling!" - Billy

"Kitchen appliances save lives." - Billy

Daily qutoe #434

"Quoting what? What are you quoting?" - Kelly

"You'd make a bad boyfriend because you're the Big Mean." - Kelly

"I thought you were left handed." - Kelly

"Yeah I got morning wood. Quote that bitch." - Scott

"I've got 3 places in mind where I'm about to put some cum in a minute." - Joe

"You still got those coke blunts? I need one." - Joe

"I wanted to slash my tires while he was getting ready to tow it away." - Joe as his car was getting repo'ed.

"My bad, Dozie doesn't know what internet is." - Billy

Daily quote #433

"Are you still straight edge?" - Beth

"Oh god! Oh god!" - Beth as her radio is flipping hard at work.

"We should smoke blunts and do this more often." - Scott (NOTE: We don't smoke blunts, we only bust cunts.)

"Look at my dog. He just like me, he gotta sleep w/ the fan on. My nigga." - Scott

"Yall be dressed like you gunna be robbin' muh fuckaz." - Roy

"Wuthcya doin' runnin' wid your lights off maaaan?" - Roy in regards to Scott speeding w/ his headlights off at night.

"Ice is not as icy as granite." - Jeremy

"I still have that buttery ass granite. You know, half cab bs nose revert material." - Jeremy