Daily quote #337

"..But now these people are slipping, they think because I'm all Morrissey'd out I'm not afraid to beat a niggas ass still. They better chill w/ eating my popsicles and shit." - Joey

"Are you a playa?" - Mother Bear

"I hate cats. I want to microwave them. Dogs are pretty dope sick though." - Jason

"If I dont die in L.A. dont burry me. " - Scott

"I just opened a 40 wit my teeth. Nigga west side." - Scott

"I dont have the heart to tell my dad I used his paypal to buy another Morrissey shirt. He hates Morrissey." - Joey

"I was gonna quote him but then like, He didnt stop! He just kept being epic." - Joey regarding Jake Phelps.

"I've been shredding nyquils so hard all day." - Joey

Scott is the cat on the left.
I'm the cat on the right.

Daily quote #336

"I got Aids... Gatorades." - Joey

"It's hard to hide a 40oz with just a tshirt and pants." - Billy

"I'll be back in a second, I think im gonna drink a beer and a take a shower simultaneously." - Dave

"Four [24oz]? Na, I don't need four. Wait, yeah, I need four. We celebratin' nigga. We celebratin'! This nigga goin' back to school!" - Scott

"Thank you Justin, for the porn. I really enjoyed it." - Jen

"Wait dude, do you have a boner right now? Because I'm just going to have to
stop talking to you. Thats tooooo weird." - Joey

"Our chimney just got later'd." - Joey

Me: I'm reading books.
Morgan: You can't read.

"Nice voicemail. You talk real normal." - Morgan

Daily quote #335

"You're a dick." - Erin

"Imagine the look on his double-cheeseburger lovin' face! Handle that, yo." - Matt K

"Are you talking about fucking Joey's girl again? No disrespect, but...Goddamn you guys, just trade that shit up like Baseball Cards!" - Matt K

"You're a low blow." - Morgan

"My midget friend IS in jail!" - Lauren

"And big up to Scott! Pie with hands, that's hot!" - Jenny

Daily quote #334

"Today I called the Ingham County Jail to see if my midget friend was there. He was not." - Lauren

"You drink too much." - Erin

"Did you just tell me no? And call me a bitch? Damn! I just came!" - Erin

"Can we make out to Jay Z?" - Erin

"When I come up, can we just lay in your bed and listen to thug music." - Erin

"Are you drinking? Don't lie." - Erin

"Unless you're getting head right now, you should give me a call." - Erin

Me: Did I eat last night?
Scott: Yeah... you stole my cheese burger.

"But uhh... You did drink a 24oz at McDonalds last night. ..Yeah, you tried to hide it, but you didn't do it very well. You walked to the bathroom chugging it." - Scott

"Love you, princess." - Erin

"Yeah, I decided to call you mid-fuck." - Erin

"Justin, shut the fuck up." - Erin

"Now, if you would have said, 'fuck off bitch' I would have came." - Erin

"I always expect you drunk at 11:42." - Erin

Daily quote #333

"I'm immune to whiskey dick." - Dave

"Have you guys been drinking?" - Joey talking to Dave and I at the skatepark.

"Burn." - Dave

"Sorry I'm not used to you having something normal to say so I dont know how to react since I can't react with an insult or a jab at your masculinity." - Lin-zee

"It's cool how you can't read books good." - Lin-zee

"Man, you're gonna ruin my day." - Lin-zee

"Maybe you could use a little learning." - Lin-zee

"It fell out again." - Morgan

"It fell out." - Morgan

"Have a bitchin' day, gangsta." - Erin

Daily quote #332

"There's a quote there somewhere... I don't know from which of us though." - Joey

"What are coffee beans made from?" - Colton

"How come you don't get like, a good tattoo?" - Jen

Daily quote #331

"First things first. THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION! ALWAYS. Can't do this math problem? Get a tutor. Out of pussy? Go getcha some! (maybe from the tutor? That's how I roll...anyway) You get the point." - Matt K

"Don't ever sweat anything that you can't control. That includes, bitches, hos, skanks, scallywops, skeezers, haters, broken cameras, flat beer...You know, the important things in life!" - Matt K

"I think there's something in the water in Michigan that makes you guys all hilarious, and yet kind of moronic... In a good way." - Erin

"I don't think herpes is all that American either... I think it originated from Europe." - Father Bear

Daily quote #330

"Shieeeet sell you car and buy some dope shit. Camera for one. Balls for two." - Scott

"I need some tattoos, i wanna be a real nigga." -Joey

"I want all of your friends to know I'm a kinky whore before they ever meet me. So when you introduce us they're like, 'ohhh this is the bitch that continually talks about fucking you.'" - Erin

"Dude nigga, you're a fucking mack truck." - Joey

"DUDE, NIGGA GET IN ME!" - Erin

Daily quote #329

"Justin, your dick writes like a girl." - Erin in reference to the image below.

"You were my 2900th comment. You get a SUPER BJ for that." - Erin

"I'll get you fixed... then put you to sleep just to be an ass." - Scott talking to his dog, Chopper.

Me: You want to get beer Saturday?
Scott: No, I'm on a diet. Wine or liquor.

Yeah, take a guess.

Daily quote #328

"Quit being a pussy and attempt shit like you could never fail... Just some words of encouragement." - Jason

"Yo! Shut the fuck up! *as the microwave is beeping* What if the microwave said, 'Yo, yo nigga! Yo, ya shits done!'" - Scott

"You see my microwave? It's a MAAAANWAVE!" - Scott

"Yo momma all... straight up border hoppin' yo." - Scott

"You should just go on a dairy eating binge and see how it feels." - Scott

"Is she almost 18? .. ... Would "almost" stand up in court?"- Joey

"Your standards have been lowered, and I like that." - Scott

Daily quote #327

"I'm drinking by myself at the bar right now. I've reached a new low." - Lauren

"You guys make me want to drink." - Father Bear In reference to my sister and I.

"I like your friends. I've never met them, but going from their quotes, they're pretty good people." - Father Bear

Daily quote #226

"Chopper! Bite that ho!" - Scott telling Chopper (his dog) to bite his mom.

"I'll have Chopper eat you. You're easy to eat." - Scott talking to his mom.

"Is Scott's Mom actually hot? If so...I should've worked that shit while I was in 'The Mitten'." - Matt K

"Matt K could totally boink my moms." - Scott

"I prefer to be the climber. Not the climbee." - Erin

Daily quote #325

"American Revolution? Fuck history class. I just need some penetration." - Erin

"I'll talk to you later bro. Keep it real." - Sister Bear

"Sup Drunk Justin?" - Erin

"He turned 48 today... ..I can't fuck him 'til June." - Lauren

Daily quote #324

"I'd rather do the 9-5 than a 10-20." - Dad Bear in reference to doing a 9-5 job than a 10-20 year prison term. LOL!

"Turn on the discovery channel; There's penises everywhere!" - Lauren

"When you're drunk your IMs turn mexican." - Joey

"Dave said you're being a twat." - Joey

"You know, w/ all these cars coming and going, the neighbors probably think you have a drug house going." - Mother Bear.

"Hey I have a GPS that will take me to your house.. I just need the address." - Cynthia

"Juggles that shit around 'till it blows up in your face." - Scott

"Justin... You're just dope as fuck. End of story." - Cynthia

"You have a lot of baby momma drama for not having a baby momma." - Sam

Daily quote #323

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Daily quote #322

"Dude, I fell in love man. No more sessions after session on every handrail I see." - Mitch

"Will you just make my fake name Seth Juszkiewicz?" - Mitch

"But seriously, if you trust Mitch Nasser with your life, then do it up. Think about that man." - Mitch

"There is no place in the world I would rather be then tripping on mushrooms."- Mitch

Mitch on the left. I'm the cat.

Dave on the left. I'm the cat.

Dave on the left. I'm the cat.

Daily quote #321

"Google don't know shit about blowjobs." - Joey

"Is that skeet on your shirt?"- Joey

"Dude how come you not drunk." - Dave

"Only pussies die." - Dave

"Fuck it!"- Scott

"Nigga, you think I fuck w/ a girl named Terry?" - Scott

"I'm pumped to see the tricks I can't do anymore!" - Joey

Daily quote #320

"Don't hate the player, Player Hater. Hate the game." - Nate

"Bro! I is weesed!" - April

"I hate you cat." - Stacie

Me: Can you tell I'm stressed?
Jen: Yeah. You use the helpless girl voice and meow a lot.

Daily quote #319

"Why do you shoot photos if you're not getting paid for it?" - Mother Bear

"You need to bob & weave with a side of duck & dodge." - Matt K

"Stay on point when your swagger is feeling right." - Matt K

"Hit me up for anything at anytime!" - Matt K

"Just don't ever get too hung up on _________. Wait...You have M.O.B. tattooed on your wrist! Nevermind." - Matt K

"I just shit my pants. Lovely! Dude...Lollersick!" - Matt K

"I've got an instant pussy play for you." - Matt K

"Try to save that BJ story somewhere if you can. It took me forever to type." - Matt K

Daily quote #318

"I'm trying to be nice, but get the fuck out!" - Scott

"I like we're listening to real sensitive music [Usher] while talking about whoopin' niggaz." - Scott

"I've been rating cats for like two minutes now." - Billy

"I gotta find a hospital for the step-child." - Jen

"I skeezed all up in that bitch. ... .. Don't quote that shit, for real!" - Scott

Daily quote #317

"I'm glad I'm not you're friend so I don't have to worry about what I say." - Stacie

"Is your tattoo real?" - Stacie

"I jog. If you ever want to jog, call me up. I just never told you because I figured you'd make fun of me." - Scott

"..its like forgetting bananas come in banana peels." - Jen

Daily quote #316

"http://mitchclem.com/images/Lazy_cat_RCcar.gif I want that cat, soooo bad! I'd feed him tight shit like t-bones n shit." - Joey

"I want a mega blowjob. I'll put in a request, in the suggestion box or some shit. If my girlfriend had a suggestion box that would be dope.
She'd get all kinds of random requests on little pieces of paper and shit." - Joey

"Fuck man, I'm at work like thirty minutes early. Shit, Ima have to go rub one out." - Scott

"Yo, talk to me. Tell me something good." - My father (he answered his phone that way)

Daily quote #315

"You need to figure out how to make some scrilla off these quotes, mayn! It's all in the marketing. If Facebook can sell a "limited run of one million" virtual anal beads for a dollar then these quotes are worth at least a dime. Then you'd be forced to purchase a finer beer than Miller High Life. (Not that I'm dissing the *cough* "champagne of beers") I wonder if there's a beer of champagnes? Just a few thoughts...and I'm not on the shitter coming up with these ideas either. The cord won't reach." - Matt K

"You're good at making people laugh uncomfortably, you know that right." - Joey

"I can't feel my teeth." - Dave

Me: What are you doing?
Dave: Drunk dialing you. You?
Me: Quoting you.
Dave: Good work. Good work.

"I'm like Rambo! I don't get no love! I'll whoop the fuck out of you!" - Dave

Daily quote #314

"Yo, she hot. I'd make out w/ her... Like, I'd make out w/ you to make out w/ her." - Scott as we're watching a Vanessa Carlton music video.

"Yo, you know Slim Thug hittin' that shit!" Scott and I both as we're watching a Hilary Duff video featuring Slim Thug

"I could be w/ ______ right now. She A.) is hot as fuck B.) Puts out C.) Puts out D.) Comes over to the crib just to put out!" - Scott

"We roll blunts that defy blunts!" - Scott

Daily quote #313

"Drunk is the story of my life with many chapters." - Dave

"I'm ready to get tore up from the floor up." - Dave

"Nigga, I used to go to Skateland. I know all about Boyz 2 Men." - Scott

Daily quote #312

"Yo! I just like to suck dick!" - Scott

"I confuse mud w/ oil." - Scott

"Nigga... Nigga in denim? Shit." - Scott as we're watching a Boyz 2 Men video.

Daily quote #311

"Earning a quote from you is almost as good as watching some broad get undressed for the first time!" - Matt K

"How many times do I have to say it? Bitches love pinstripes & plush!" - Matt K

Daily quote #310

"If you get me on Captive, I'll let you be my manager." - Mitch

"Yo, Ms Dinnan, why dontchya pull yo panties down and go grab the ketchup." - Scott

"You got any bolt cutters? I needa get paid." - Scott

"Girls who are sluts and love being sluts rule so hard." - Travis

"My buddy called me today to tell me he thinks that rep dude and his wifee are gonna get a divorce. Maybe I can start fucking him again, now that I've fucked all his friends." - Lauren

"I realized that the last rep guy I fucked.. sits right next to rep #1 when they are in session, so like they're buddies I think. They're gonna swap Lauren slut stoires." - Lauren

"Girls are bonkers over the stuntwood. Life of Ryan must have put something in their heads." - Billy

"It's one thing to HAVE a denim shirt. It's another to have a shirt that has denim screened ONTO it!" - Billy

Daily quote #309

"I found your Daily Quote page rude and it seems as if it were done on a drunken stooper." - My Mother

"I'm kinda drunk at a funeral home.. Is that bad? Come pick me up!" - Lauren (At the time I received the text I didn't know who it was because I deleted all my contacts a few weeks ago, so it was even better getting that quote as just a random phone number.)

Daily quote #308

"I definitely called Erika a whore in french. We'll see if she figures it out." - Billy

"Straight edge is for people who can't handle their booze." - Dave

"I have to go disc jockey myself until I orgasm. Which, I must say, does nothing for me anymore. Sadly enough." - Erin

"My bank womans name is Marquetta. Shes black. Obviously." - Morgan

"Yeah, this is like the Faygo to the glock." - Jake

Daily quote #307

Daily quote #306

"Jesus. Well Justin, learn to steal better. You're from the outskirts of Flint; Don't you know anything by now?" - Lin-zee

"Like literally two minutes ago I was like, 'ha ha, Justin's so funny,' and now I'm like, 'man, Justin's a fuckin' pussy.'" - Lin-zee

"I'm gonna fuck some homies up w/ cats tonight!" - Billy

"I've been breaking off some pipe to a lot of ladies lately and have no energy. I woke up crushed. As Dave Chappelle would put it, 'Now that you mention it, I think I'm bleeding out my chest. But I've got the cure...how about smoking the stickiest of the icky with your old boy Rick James?'" - Anonymous

"Hahaha, can you quote yourself?" - Jay