Daily quote #524

"Whoa dude, I didn't know we were walking into a Blink 182 party." - Scott in reference to Heidi's birthday bash.

"Blaaaaah" - Taryn as she's puking thirty minutes after the party starts.

"Tell Scott to quit being a douche bag." - Beth

"Heh, what's up 1991?" - Jean-Marie (Inside joke that a few people would get.)

Daily quote #523

"I love cleaning my ears. It feels like sex for a minute." - Scott

"You peeing right here? All of Saginaw Street just saw your penis." - Scott

"So I was thinking, you can't publish the Daily Quote book. Are you aware of how much I say nigga? [Yeah, so?] Nigga, I'm white! That shit ain't gonna fly when all these other niggaz see it. I'll be dead. Shot up. Boom! Boom! Dead." - Scott

"I will hyphenate your life muuuh-fuggaaa." - Jean-Marie

"You got herpes on your hands from fisting all on the dirty girls." - Dave

Daily quote #522

"You know it's a great high five when my left nipple gets hard." - Heidi

"I just gave her receipt a hand-job." - Heidi

"If you're wearing these pants, you can walk up in a church and come out w/ pussy around here." - Dave while holding up green pants at the Salvation Army.

"You're so good for the self-esteem." - Jean-Marie

"She still gets tattoos of stars and birds and shit. We're getting M.O.B. and beer. We grown ass niggas." - Scott

Daily quote #521

Me: Cheers for what?
Jean Marie: Life bitch!

"Nigga, you know this race is until we die right? Nobody wins until someone dies. Ima assassinate yo ass." - Scott

"First one to ten? .... Got aids." - Anonymous regarding taking pictures of pussies.

Me: Ima delete her.
Scott: I don't give a fuck. Ima fuck her.
Me: Can I quote that?
Scott: I don't give a fuck, Ima pick her up right now.

"You don't always want to post this pussy I hit. Na, not always the puss I hit." - Anonymous

Scott: You can fuck in my bed. Hey, what's mine is yours.
Me: I don't think I could, ever. No way.
Scott: You have before.
Me: Naw. When? Have I?
Scott: Vaaaaaaagbon!
Me: Whoops.

"They're rollin' seven deep! You got some wild life rollin' seven deep on your shit!" - Scott

"There's wildlfire on my porch; 5 raccoons and two possums on my porch. Pretty fucking deep." - Joey

"We should just drink 40z to make it through our day." - Scott

"We got a spiral staircase to our ghetto mansion." - Scott

Daily quote #520

"So? She can still roll her bean." - Scott while reading over my shoulder, the quote about Heidi not being able to have sex.

"I gotta piss? What the fuck?" - Scott moments after shitting.

"I think his hobby is sucking dick." - Heidi in regards to DBJ at work.

Heidi's Doctor: Oh yeah, and don't stick any foreign objects in your vagina for a week.
Heidi: How about five days?

"I want to have sex and I can't. I can't even have sex by myself." - Heidi

Scott: What time you gotta be at work? 5pm?
Me: Naw, 4pm.
Scott: Whaaat? My nigga. *cracks open a beer* You know you got about 15 minutes to get to work?

"How do you not get fired?" - Stacie

"You are a jerk. I would cry if I was your girlfriend." - Alyssa

Daily quote #519

"I'm going to put a shoe in your mouth one day." - Taryn

"Don't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad." - Dave

Me: Do you want a pit bull puppy?
Jean Marie: I have a chihuahua, it'll eat the mother fucker.

"I have to touch myself to remember what I want to say." - Jean Marie

"I just cheered to college drop outs, and I'm not even one yet." - Jean Marie

"Some chick older than me at the bar kissed my cheek, it was lol-worthy, I was faaaaaded, but she was rad looking." - Joey

"Sup titties? Nice to meet you." - Joey

Daily quote #518

"I could never keep track of how many times I call you an asshole." - Jean Marie

"Can you tell I'm smelling my armpits?" - Heidi

"Just want you to know that youre a piece of shit friend,but i'm willing to give it ONE MORE CHANCE, Tuna." - Taryn (This was the message sent w/ her friend request after I deleted her.)

"Bitch!" - Scott after taking the mirror off his grandma's car.

Daily quote #517

"You're obsessed w/ beating off because you pass up pussy left and right." - Torey to Scott.

"They shouldn't drive if they can't drink." - Scott

"Quit tellin' me it happened and I'll stop callin' you a bitch, bitch!" - Scott while on the phone.

"Yo man, you got a frog out there that's scarin' the shhhhhit out of me, and I already gotta shit! The closer I get to a toilet it's like, daaaaamn!" - Scott

"Yo, either I'm shittin' in your house or I'm shittin' in your driveway." - Scott

Daily quote #516

"I ain't cancelin' plans because of this girl. Nigga, you know we don't love these hoz." - Scott

Me: ...that was out the blue.
Scott: Well, I'm out of the blue type nigga.

Kelly: Is that the 'Everyone Wants To Bang You' shirt?
Me: No, I sold that one two weeks ago.
Kelly: Oh, looks like it.

"Don't even talk to me." - Taryn when she realized I deleted her off myspace.

Kelsey: Who calls you charming as fuck?
Me: Yo momma.
Kelsey: BITCH!

"You had better not delete me you douche." - Taryn

"Tuna, if you delete me off myspace were not friends anymore, ya hear?" - Taryn

Daily quote #515

"What are you wearing? You look really special." - Erin regarding the b-ball shorts and button up.

"I'm getting a D.U.I. or you're getting your shit impounded. You pick." - Scott

"Fuck that, I'm bustin' all up in bitches!" - Scott

"How did I end up w/ a sack of pot in my pocket?" - Scott

"Twenty beers later and we're at Taco Bell." - Scott

"Hey, did you delete me?" - Kelly

Daily quote #514

"Even though I'm not number one on your top eight, I know I'm number one in your heart." - Beth

"Did you delete me off myspace? [Yeah.] Why? Why me? Are you doing to readd me? You better. .. What are you writing? Why are you so mean to me?" - Beth

"I'm stuck it down my pants. ... ..I'm all bloody." - Taryn holding up a bloody tissue.

"You smell good. I want to lick you. ... Don't quote that. No, stop writing." - Kelly

"I'm not shorter than a gondo, asshole!" - Beth

"My gummy bears were having sex, and I ate them." - Heidi

"I have to poop. .. .. Now I don't, just pee." - Kelly

"I'm sensitive; like the head of a penis." - Heidi

"I like that we can do this without sex." - Heidi

"I don't understand why everyone has to drive like they're skull fucking someone!" - Heidi

"What can I say I'm a pretty bad ass individual." - Cynthia

"Pretty much, if you're not an asshole then you're a pussy." - Dave

"I had a dream last night and you were in it." - Kelly

Daily quote #513

"You look like a hash brown on that bike. You want some french toast?" - Scott

"I'll have you know you dented the shit out of my grandma's Tracker w/ that beer you threw the other night." - Scott

Nate: He's been fucking bitches. Hard.
Sister Bear: Don't quote that you douche bag.

"The computer should be faster than me." - Duane talking to the dartboard machine.

"What bar should we go to next? Oh man, was that fucked up?" - Duane talking to the bartender of a bar that smelled like stanky pussy.

Daily quote #512

"I want to go to AA. Bitches man. You know they're down to drink too." - Dave regarding Alcoholics Anonymous.

"You run w/ a crazy crew. Your daily quotes? Oh yes, don't think I don't read them because I do. It is the most vulgar thing I've ever read. I can't even think of ever saying some of this stuff, and I'm a girl!" - Donna

"You just mad that you isn't a slut." - Scott to some girl.

Daily quote #511

"Do you think his pants are sagging enough?" - Random Guy talking to his wife while standing behind me at work.

"I told you I loved you earlier and you never said it back." - Beth

"Get the purple once because you're gaaaaay." - Beth

"My nose is cold. I think I'm dying." - Jean Marie

"You're the biggest dickface I know." - Michele

"Does he insist on wearing little kids clothes to work?" - Beth

"You're getting underwear and socks for Christmas." - Melanie

"*The sound of a 40oz opening.*" - Scott opening a 40oz at 10:30am.

"Nigggggggga." - Scott talking in his sleep.

Daily quote #510

"I'm going to get an all black van and name it Thunder Death." - Dave

Me: I think I'm turning into you.
Joey: Great. Like son like father or something.

"I may not know how to start fires, but I know how to burn shit." - Dave

Me: Yo momma.
Jay: Step off.

"So what's the girl status right now?" - Jay

"Dude I'm so in a metal mood." - Dave

"I think she's 15, which is really bothering me because I'm almost 18. ... .. Her tits look 18." - Jay

"You're in for a treat." - Dave

Daily quote #509

"Welcome to Miller Time fool!" - Joey

"You're like the leach on my bank account." - Joey

"Is that a bag of pubes?" - Joey

"My grandma tried to add me on myspace." - Loranda

"I have a new title... Full time dad part time WHORE MONGER." - Jeremy

Daily quote #508

"This camera water proof? Naw nigga, beer proof." - Scott

"Do you think dinosaurs are non-gender?" - Heidi

"You're really getting rid of the 'everyone wants to bang you' shirt?" - Kelly

"Oh my gosh, an actual nice shirt!" - Steph

"You're a bully. Just an F.Y.I." - Loranda

"I'd just grab one leg, throw it over my shoulder and get that leverage! Ground and pound, baby yeah!" - Scott

"Justin, you would have quoted that bitch's face." - Erin

"The two main kids remind me of you and Scott." - Kelly

Daily quote #507

"Anyone want to go smoke some reefer and drink beers w/ me?" - Beth

Scott: Is she cute?
Me: She's 16.
Scott: I didn't ask that, I said is she cute?

"I like tuna. I don't care, I like it." - Taryn

Me: I'm an... [gets cut off by Beth]
Beth: An asshole? Yeah.

Daily quote #506

"It feels like I have a hard-on right now... Look." - Taryn

"My arm pits are dripping." - Heidi

"I almost wish I was pregnant so I could have an abortation, then I wouldn't feel sick anymore." - Heidi

"Not going to lie, I think me and you will marry." - Stacie

"Dude, I'm moving to San Fransico in two weeks." - Matt K

Daily quote #505

"You should rename the quotes to, 'I'm Two Weeks Behind On Quotes.' you slacker." - Taryn

"I don't love you anymore." - Kelly

"Smell my ears. They were real bad and smelled like pussy, so I Had to clean them pussies." - Taryn

"Ok, thank you. I love you. Bye." - Kelly

"You gotta have big ass equipment to suck on big ass titties." - Scott

Daily quote #504

"Don't question my man-hood." - Seven year old in the store today.

"What happened to the daily quote, yesterday?! You little shitheadddd." - Taryn

"You guys can't skate here. Take it to the ghetto." - Grand Rapids Police Officers

"You want some beer? I want a pony." - Dave talking to Whitney.

Daily quote #503

"I don't know how to juggle balls but I know how to juggle strippers.... ..You should probably quote that as anonymous." - Anonymous

Anonymous: Yo, I'll fist a bitch! Then I'll eat her out!
Me: I'm going to quote that shit so hard.
Anonymous: Naw.
Me: Yeah.
Anonymous: Naw.
Me: Yeah.
Anonymous: Naw!
Me: Yeah!

"I'm not mad at you, and I don't hate you, but you were just being a cunt." - Scott on the phone w/ some random broad.

"I gotta call Lindsey. I kinda spit on her last night." - Scott

"Yo, you know what I'd do if I had 400 million credit card numbers? I wouldn't be here! Yall take Visa?!" - Scott

"Don't quote that, it'll make me look like a scummy bitch." - Scott

"I used to have a mustache." - Kelly

Daily quote #502

"I knew you were thinking about me; I felt my butt tingling." - Heidi

"Justin, if I made a list of guys to never date, you'd be number four." - Kelly

"Just wanted to let you know, I dreamed about you during my nap." - Taryn

"Nigga, you don't put the dope dealer on hold!" - Scott as he's on the phone doing what he does.

"I pretend to have a watch all the time." - Erin

"*A loud ruckus in the backroom* Ahhhhhh!!!" - Heidi

"Hair doesn't grow inside my vagina." - Heidi

"Shut the heck up." - Beth

"Maybe he quit skateboarding to have gay butt-sex all day." - Heidi

"How many times do you get called an asshole a day?" - Beth

"You're just being a full ass today?" - Cassy

"My eyeshadow matches your urine stains." - Heidi

Daily quote #501

"Tell Scott I want a maroon beanie and $40." - Joey

"No." - Whitney

Me: It smells like Taco Bell back here.
Beth: Is that a slam against me?

"You should start selling weed dude." - Scott

Daily quote #500

"If we had kids and it was a girl I'd put it up for adoption." - Whitney

"Go get yo shit bitch, and I'll go get my shit, bitch. Then we can trade this shit, ight bitch?" - Scott

"YOU SHOULD HAVE A 5OOTH BEST OF OR SOMETHING RAD LIKE A BEER AND MIDGET PUNCHING EXTRAVAGANZA! I DONT EVEN THINK I SPELLED THAT RIGHT. SHIT! NEVERMIND IM DRUNK!" - Lenny NOTE: His whole message was typed in capitals and I felt it made it that much better.

"I like how all I want to do in my freetime besides draw is drink and have drunk sex because of you. Don't quote that either because I think I'm serious." - Anonymous

"I drunk e-mailed someone." - Whitney