Daily quote #450

"10:19pm? I should be at home and wasted by now!" - Michele about clocking out nineteen minutes after what we should have.

"I can't wait to get home and drink." - Michele

"If you knew how big of a whore I used to be, you'd never stop making fun of me." - Kelly

"I don't know how a girl can be so obsessed w/ you." - Kelly

"You asshole." - Beth

"I don't want to skate w/ losers. Crowe is cool." - Matt K

"I'm calling about the pink, and I'm not talking about the pussy." - Matt K

"I stopped giving a fuck when I was able to buy booze." - Billy

"If there's a bitch over, I got separate blankets that are crispy clean." - Billy

"I'm so bad at the sleeping game." - Tanner

Daily quote #449

"You ever see a cat's balls? All furred over and shit." - Scott

"I keep my goodies in the jar." - Heidi but not really talking about her goodies.

"I can see you in those shorts and can imagine you looking really gay." - Jen regarding my dope ass corduroy cut-off shorts.

"You're not really talking to your boxers are you?" - Jen

"Eat two big ones." - Melanie

"I'm going to punch your jugular." - Maya

"I care about my teeth more then I'll ever care about anyone." - Maya

Daily quote #448

"You're making a huge mistake." - Morgan

"Quit quoting me and get the fuck out of my driveway." - Scott

"I like them hard or soft." - Beth

Me: Cut off shorts. Pocket tee. Slips ons w/ no socks. Tomorrow is my hippie day.
Scott: It's your no pussy day.

Daily quote #447

"I'm going to give you a boner in Taco Bell." - Anonymous to anonymous.

"You taste like cheap beer." - Anonymous to anonymous.

"God, if anyone were to rob you they'd be bored." - Melanie

"I want to shoot you w/ this so bad." - Melanie as she's holding Scott's gun.

"I'll be watching the Pistons game and drinking Man Water if you guys want to stop by." - Jeremy

"You fuck truck pussy, you'll fuck anything." - Josh

"You can't quote that man, bitches will know I won't pull out." - Anonymous

"If it weren't for abortions I'd be a daddy." - Anonymous

"You should throw a house party. If you do it, I'll do it." - Joe

"Do you smoke weed yet?" - Joe

"Moms in Canada till Thursday, and I've got more alcohol, weed and money than I know what to do with." - Joe

Daily quote #446

"Drinkin' fo' free niguh!" - Billy

"Where's the closet liquor store? I need some liquor." - Some guy at work.

"What were you thinking? You obviously weren't." - Beth

"We went from sitting down and chilling to up and dancing and rapping in no time! Like fuckin' twenty minutes and Joey was eating sticks and we were bro-fiving and chest bumping." - Scott

"I used to have a dog that drank beer." - Lady at Rite AID as she watches my roll of film drop out the machine.

Me: Why'd you nut in her dude?!
Joey: You told me to!

"Yeah we goin' to jail tonight." - Scott regarding last night's fire.

"My eyebrows hurt." - Joey

"I don't know why I black-powered you." - Joey

"He all white now but wait until he gets elected, he'll start wearin' Fubu and chains and shit. He'll say, 'Yeeeeah nigga!!! GOTHCHYA!'" - Scott regarding Obama getting elected.

"I can never get that much wood." - Erin

Daily quote #445

"I'm gonna have her call you and if my mom actually calls don't be surprised." - Jeremy hookin' a brotha up.

"I'm a man, I always have a plan." - Duane

"She wanna get wid your cute ass. Shit, I'd wanna get w/ your cute ass if I was a bitch." - Scott

"Pretty much anything with booze and a bathtub full of ice is a blast." - April

"I'm crazying drunk. I don't even know what's going on." - Todd

Scott: Lets start sellin' weed.
Me: Can I quote that?
Scott: Yeah, it's good for business.

"Music so loud and fire so big. We livin' illegal!" - Scott

"This is a couch burning fire!" - Scott regarding Saturday's fire.

Daily quote #444

"Pop is just like beer, but I ain't quitin' that. Beer ma nigga. I can't quit on my nigga!" - Scott

Me: Sometimes I hate myself.
Beth: Sometimes I hate you too.

"You're such an ass." - Michele

"I was like what the fuck? Then I looked up and said, 'What the fuck?'" - Michele

"Fuck this place." - Beth while closing at work.

"Be like, 'My bad, Red Wings won, and I had beer.'" - Billy as he gives me a valid excuse to be late for work.

"Quit cummin' in her. You fuckin' her up too much." - Scott

"It's funny how my game worked this time." - Scott

"This girl just told me i have nice wrists." - Maya

Me: You're a picnic.
Maya: That was dumb.

"The ground out here makes my [skate]board look as though it went through a shark attack." - Matt K

"Michigan sucks for skating. Seriously." - Matt K

Daily quote #443

"I just found a dead dog in my Koi Pond." - Jeremy

"I don't want a gay boyfriend." - Anonymous

"Mom, I don't think your boobs will fit into that... ..Well, maybe they will." Little girl to her mother in THE store.

"Go to the bathroom and stop touching my racks." - Michele

"Of course you're having a bad day [Michele], Justin is here. Everyone has a bad day when he's here." - Kelly

"You're always quoting. I'm not going to talk ever again around you, is that what you want? [Me: Yeah, actually.] You're so mean." - Kelly

"You look kind cute today." - Kelly

"That one has to be anonymous. If you're going to quote it, quote it as anonymous only." - Heidi

"I don't smoke. I smoked two joints by myself yesterday." - Anonymous

Me: Are you high?
Heidi: Very.

"Hah, no beer today?" - Gas Station Worker #2 as I'm getting rung up for my ice tea.

"Stockin' up on beer early today?" - Gas Station Worker #1 as I'm intend on buying an ice tea, not beer.

"Bryan's suppose to die soon, hopefully." - Scott regarding the guy that knocked Brenda up.

"April told me her vagina was going to bleed makes me wish I was aborted." - Nate

Kelly: Don't call me a bitch.
Me: I didn't, I called you a beoch. B-E-O-C-H not B-I-T-C-H. Beoch.
Kelly: Whatever.

Daily quote #442

"Hey man, you want to buy some pot?" - Three random kids on my street as I walk to go check my mail.

"You guys are just looking for trouble." - Mother Bear in regards to seeing this photo of Scott.

"I'm for real, don't quote any of that." - Kelly

"Goodbye dear." - Kelly

Me: It's a shame I can't quote a whole story.
Kelly: You can't quote any of that.

"You fucker." - Michele in response to me pretending to call in this morning.

"She in luv wid ya ass? You must have a big dick because you ain't really that cute." - Scott

"It hard to take a nigga serious when he wearin' spandex and a tampon." - Scott

"Scott get on liquor and it get like Scott gunna split a nigga's wig open." - Scott

"Skunk pussy. Haha naw, but there's a skunk in my backyard. Evaded that beast like a son-of-a-bitch. A.K.A., Pussy'd out and went through the front door." - Billy (Taken from his bulletin)

"We destroyed our dishwasher; I kicked it in." - Billy

"You ain't even drunk yet." - Scott as I spit game.

Daily quote #441

"Don't be gay, Gayboy." - Jeremy

"It's like hard air." - Heidi

"Don't you hate it when you play Hide-And-Go-Seek and you have to pee but you can't because you're hiding?" - Heidi

"I sprayed my armpits w/ perfume." - Heidi

"They're trying to convert me at home. They put chicken in the peanut butter. I can't even eat the peanut butter at home!" - Heidi

"How you going to let those girls dog all over you in your daily quotes!?" - Jordan

"Wait till you get liquor going up your nose; I screamed." - Billy

Daily quote #440

"I think I met your twin, or brother. He is the biggest asshole I have ever met." - Melanie

"College? Drop out niggi." - Scott

"Fall classes? Who are you kidding? You aren't going back to school." - Erin

"Agreed." - Lin-zee regarding Morgan's quote below.

"Why do you need to know when college starts, you're up to something, aren't you?" - Morgan

"What're you up to, besides forging shit?" - Lin-Zee

"Joey gets laid?" - Jamie

"Maaan, ain't no one give a fuck about a boyfriend. .. ... Boyfriends ain't shit these days." - Josh

"We [Beth and Taryn] were just making fun of you." - Beth

"Think we can drink a whole fifth before we get off the plane." - Scott regarding out flight to California.

"That bitch is hitchin' [hiken]? Fuck hitchin' on North Sag[inaw]!" - Scott after seeing a woman hitch hiking (or hookin') on N. Saginaw.

"What if you got ass cancer bro?!" - Scott

Daily quote #439

"Pooooof!" - The Fire as a lighter explodes

"Lets burn the rocks." - Damon

Damon: Ahh.. nail in my fuckin' foot!
Scott: Yes!!!

"Sometimes I wish I never met you." - Morgan

"Yo crib nigga. I keep hearing about these bon fires." - Damon in reference as to where to drink last night.

"You're such a horrible son." - Erin

Mother Bear: Have you ever thought about growing green beans? Eating fresh green beans?
Me: No, I've thought about growing pot though. Sellin' it fresh!
Mother Bear: What?

Daily quote #438

"Is it weird that you mean more to me than any guy here outside of my brother and father?" - Erin

"I don't say it very often because I'm heartless, but you're a really amazing person." - Erin

"That bitch get pregnant and I'll kill the bitch." - Scott

"I ain't even got a phone and you want me to buy you a bitch test? Shit, wear a condom once in a while!" - Scott

"Save a few checks and Ima take a bitch on a honeymoon!" - Scott

"I was giving [censored] head at 1am. But that was only until about 1:02am." Anonymous

"I'm sweaty." - Kelly

"Scott will get a girl pregnant before you will." - Kelly

"I don't care if I have a hickey. Everyone already thinks I'm a slut and a whore." - Kelly

"Can we stab each other so we can go home?" - Heidi during last night's floor set.

"You're my favorite person." - Heidi

"Justin you smell like a god!" - Heidi

"This nigga think he a Boy Scott." - Josh as Scott is trying to make a fire.

Me: Bowling ally bitches? Shit. Four condoms please?
Kelsey: ..and you'd STILL get AIDs.

Daily quote #437

"You're a smooth one. If you get a call back, they obviously have no standards for employees. At all." - Kelsey regarding my application I filled in while drunk w/ multiple spelling mistakes and scribbles.

"Shudda shaved dat pussy den." - Josh

"Anything will be moist after a good blow out." - Nate

"I walked in while my parents were wettin' it twice." - Duane

"I laughed so hard when I saw I had a texted from 'Tels'." - Kelsey

Daily quote #436

"Justin, I always have a dirty mouth." - Kelly

"I love how the only two people rapping is me and the two black dudes." - Scott

"Dey lit that and all my eyebrows were all gone!" - Random brotha in reference to the fire picture below.

"I hitchya momma wid tha reach around." - Scott to Josh.

"That the loosest pussy I ever seen!" - Scott

"Yo, I bought that keg w/ a fake ID!" - Chris Roberts

"Who wants beer?! I have a fake ID!" - Chris Roberts

"Fuck it, I ain't tryin' to drive home in a straight line." - Scott while chugging beers.

"I heard you lost your v-card." - Over heard from across the room.

"Pussy will fuck a nigga up." - Random brotha at the party.

"I know the keg isn't all gone because I know there aren't any real niggaz there." - Scott

"You know we're having at least a kid, right? And you can't punch me when I'm pregnant, and wire hangers are not allowed in out house." - Erin

"Go to a bookstore for pussy. Or any place that sells hot chocolate." - Erin

Daily quote #435

"And like. Wow, I hate you." - Erin

"I just drink like a fucking fish." - Tanner

"Sup, worthless?" - Erin

Me: I think I'm going to take next week off boozing.
Billy: Me too, lets make a pact.
Me: Haha, I don't know about all that. For how long?
Billy: One week.
Me: Five day week or seven day week?
Billy: 5 nigga, Five!

"Fuck, I need to start hustling!" - Billy

"Kitchen appliances save lives." - Billy

Daily qutoe #434

"Quoting what? What are you quoting?" - Kelly

"You'd make a bad boyfriend because you're the Big Mean." - Kelly

"I thought you were left handed." - Kelly

"Yeah I got morning wood. Quote that bitch." - Scott

"I've got 3 places in mind where I'm about to put some cum in a minute." - Joe

"You still got those coke blunts? I need one." - Joe

"I wanted to slash my tires while he was getting ready to tow it away." - Joe as his car was getting repo'ed.

"My bad, Dozie doesn't know what internet is." - Billy

Daily quote #433

"Are you still straight edge?" - Beth

"Oh god! Oh god!" - Beth as her radio is flipping hard at work.

"We should smoke blunts and do this more often." - Scott (NOTE: We don't smoke blunts, we only bust cunts.)

"Look at my dog. He just like me, he gotta sleep w/ the fan on. My nigga." - Scott

"Yall be dressed like you gunna be robbin' muh fuckaz." - Roy

"Wuthcya doin' runnin' wid your lights off maaaan?" - Roy in regards to Scott speeding w/ his headlights off at night.

"Ice is not as icy as granite." - Jeremy

"I still have that buttery ass granite. You know, half cab bs nose revert material." - Jeremy

Daily quote #432

"*three security gaurds/fake cops mumbling*" Three Security Gaurds/Fake Cops

"I just hit you up to make sure you're safe and not in jail." - Tanner

"You are such an asshole... Fuck off. ... You're such a dick. ... I hate you some time." - Erin

"Shit, with bums around here I market shit. If they come up to me asking for money I'll turn it around on them and be like 'naw man, but todays your lucky day. I got this here skateboard, $50! right now' they just walk away." - Billy

"If they try to rob you, give them the quikcrete... mixed! 'Yo Dawg, I aint got no money, but I got this here bucket of quikcrete!'" - Billy in regards to getting robbed while making ledges.

"..I gotta get a pistol. I'm not goin' to James P Cole not strapped." - Scott

"Please get some STDs ready for our wedding night." - Erin

"I can't look gay, I gotta look ballin'." - Matt K

Me: Some how in the course of last night's events my ringtone got changed to Fergalicious.
Matt K: That's so delouses.

"This dude was laughing at me for having seven bags of luggage." - Matt K

"I got new shoes everyday, like the Big Tymers got cars everyday." - Matt K

"If you want to play a game of SKATE, you better watch the fuck out." - Matt K

Daily quote #431

"I just wanna make out with you to Three Six Mafia." - Erin

"'...and then *sob* he told me *cut* he didn't *sob* care if i *cut* fucked some guy *sob*...' Fuckin emos." - Kelsey

"Heartless bastard." - Lauren

"I think I turned into a dumb bitch last week. I cried." - Lauren

"How come you got all these hunnies like, ready to hump at any second and you're always like.. 'naw'?" - Lauren

"I'm bored. Being poor sucks. This is why I think I should just get knocked up, I could make the baby play w/ me." - Lauren

"Come to Lansing and bring me a grande light Caramel Frappuccino. Thanks!" - Lauren

"Can I start my own Daily Quote stupid shit you say?" - Scott

"I just Chuck Ledell's your ass." - Scott after a High Five.

Me: Ima quote that as anonymous.
Scott: No, because everyone knows who that is because Matt K isn't in town.

"'Bout to sell these nuts for grands!" - Billy

Daily quote #430

"I'm busted." - Scott in reference to juggling.

"Trifflin'." - Kelsey

"Fuck shoes. Fuck 'em!" - Michelle regarding straightening shoes at work.

"I'm allowed to drink at my work after 5pm." - Billy

"Bullshit mother fucker!" - Billy to Josh about who stole his peanuts.

"I just fell. I'm not going to lie. Nobody saw it, but I just fell." - Billy

Daily quote #429

"So like I have two bachelor's now. You want one?" - Lauren

"All Scott's quotes make him sound like a scumbag." - Joey

"Remind me to knee you in the balls when I see you." - Melanie

"I think your away message should say 'Fuck Girls.' [Instead of 'Girls. Fuck.'] because then it actually seems like you, you know, are like a baller or

something." - Kelsey

Cop: Wutchya doin' in the dope ally?
Scott: Uhh... not buying dope.

"I doubt he gunna pull us over." - Scott moments before we get pulled over

"I saw a girl back there that looked like my favorite pornstar." - Scott

Me: What's up w/ you and gay sex lately?
Scott: Everything!

"My grandma told me I could get her cat. It's pretty sweet." - Scott

Daily quote #428

"I've never seen you in jeans." - Kelly

"Do you have any wallets that say 'Gangster'?" - Random white kid in my store, not past the age of ten

"You're going to hell." - Kelly

"Big Mean. Again." - Kelly

"How you gunna break a photo album?" - Scott

"She get pregnant Ima punch her in the gut." - Scott

"Assistant manger? Shit, you can keep your $300 bonus a month. Do you know how hard I hustle?" - Scott

"You wanna spend the night in jail? I'll spend the night in jail." - Scott

Daily quote #427

"I'm going to throw this radio [walkie-talkie] at you. ... .. Justin, I'm going to punch you in the face." - Michelle

"Like, put something under like, shit, what are you rolling with, a bed? Put something under it to angle it for like, the proper trajectory." - Joey about skeetin' on a bitches face.

Me: Want to get Sheckler tattoos?
Joey: It's time to clean the fuckin house.

Me: Surprise! What do you want for mother's day?
Morgan: An abortion, please.

Daily quote #426

"I've pretty much been drinking steadily since Friday. Well, I skipped Monday, but you know, gotta have some kind of break before you lose direction of which way is up." - Billy

"Money, clothes, hos and hydros!" - Matt K

"Speaking of fabric fucking, have a funny story." - Erin

"I searched Slammin' Grandma to see if it was a band. It isn't, but it should be though." - Billy

"In America? There's no such thing as suitable people. Everyone's so superficial that it's not even funny. MTV destroyed so much shit." - Billy

Me: I have to run.
Joey: Don't forget the track jacket.

"No pecker wood's iller!" - Jeremy

Daily quote #425

"I figured something out today. All your quotes involve A.) you making someone look like a complete jackass or B.) someone else making you look like a dumbass. So classic. It inspires me to be a bigger jackass than I already am." - Fairfax

"[Me: I smoke a lot of pot.] You do not. You're wholesome. Ah, thatll be the day." - Morgan

"I just ran out of burrito and I'm pissed." - Joey

Me: Do you know how hard it is to carry three 40s and two 24s?
Joey: It's probably even harder in a track jacket.

"The quotes fucking suck royal dick today." - Fairfax

"Dude, I think my cat has something to say to you." - Joey

Daily quote #424

"You should talk to Scott about getting sponsored by Little Caesars." - Billy

"It sure takes you a long time to do something you're not doing." - Jen

"Yo, pillows can hurt man." - Roy

"Na, it isn't gay. I've known you long enough to pee next to you." - Scott as we stand next to each other while peeing on the fire to put it out.

Daily quote #423

"You're a dick." - Whitney

"You just don't have good record with law, do you?" - Cop

"Justin, this place is making me an alcoholic." - Michelle

"There's the Big Mean again." - Kelly

"You're such a dick. ... .. I tell you that everyday. Why are you quoting that?" - Kelly

Daily quote #422

"I just wanna fuck a pregnant bitch. Shit, I probably already did and didn't know it." - Josh

"I got smoked out by an accountant and his wife." - Fairfax

"What, he gunna pull me over in a parking lot?" - Scott moments before getting pulled over in a parking lot.

"I got all kinds of porn. Even some animals and shit." - Scott

"I love talking dirty to bitches via text. Hellz yeah." - Josh

"Yo, lets smoke some blunts and bust some cunts." - Josh

"Green tea? Betchya got vodka in it." - Scott

"How bad do you want to hit me right now?" - Scott moments after he spilled Gatorade on my keyboard.

Daily quote #421

"Don't carry all that cash on you; If you've exchanged it for drugs, that's better." - Mother Bear

"I remember when we first started talking and your away used to say 'Huffing Sharpies' and I thought you were for real." - Morgan

"I'm gonna stick my dick in your eye socket." - Fairfax

"Yo, lemme try dat skateboard. You guys be makin' money man, I wanna try whatever is makin' money these days." - Random guy downtown last night

"You make sound like such a dick. [Me: You're the one that says your quotes.] Yeah, but you make me sound like a dick. I'm not a dick." Scott as he starts to laugh uncontrolably.

"I want to be geared out like Matt K." - Scott

Daily quote #420

"I don't stress, I leave that up to someone else. It doesn't do any good." - Father Bear (Everybody should take that advice.)

"Nigga! Why the fuck would you put a sticker from _______ on you car?" - Scott talking to me while I'm scrapping a sticker off my car that SOMEBODY ELSE put on, because we all know I wouldn't do some silly shit like that.

"You're the big mean." - Kelly

"You smell kinda good tonight." - Kelly (Sheeeit... Kinda? I'm always smelling good!)

"I wouldn't date him from, just by most of his quotes." - Beth in reference to Scott.

"I should just get a forgein boyfriend. I wouldn't have to talk to him as much and I'd probably be treated like royality." - Beth

"Justin, text me some more porn." - Joey

Me: Dude, why are there always cats in the background when I call?
Joey: That's my girlfriend, man.