Daily quote #573

"Don't make me kick you in the face." - Michele

"Hope you catch a disease and die or something." - Beth

"Your mother just saw a naked girl in her kitchen." - Jess

"I tried getting on myspace the first time [I got mega wasted], and tried messaging you. I fell down on my way. They then proceeded to write on me." - Jay

Daily quote #572

"I wanna be you for a day, so I might just be you for Halloween. I will just wear a flannel shirt and some jeans and carry around a camera and beer. Oh and I'll be way fucked up before I do anything." - Alyssa

Me: How do you know Garth Brooks?
James: My momma white.

Daily quote #571

"Is that two niggas kissin'?" - Scott while watching Jerry Springer.

"If we got pulled over, I'll pretend I'm drunk." - Scott while I'm driving him home at 9:36am.

"I need a hug." - Scott

Erin: Are you a scientist? What are you doing back there?
Scott: Gettin' drunk!

Erin: So I heard you're gay.
Scott: What?

Scott's Mom: Fuck you!
Scott: Yeah fuck you too!

Me: You're the moon to my starry sky.
Jess: You're an idiot.

"By the way, you're spelling a lot of stuff all whack. It's okay if you're drunk, but if you're not, then you're just dumb." - Erin

"...and finding out Scott is actually dating someone is surprising as when I found out Scott skated. What happened to his 'Hip-Hop Game' status?" - Erin

"Her titties so nice she knock my dominoes over." - Scott

"He can teach me how to suck a dick, and that's about it. Teach me how to suck a dick. Whoooo, I love me. Straight up dick. But yo, that's how the hip hop girls like it. Straight hip hop." - Scott regarding someone's boyfriend.

Daily quote #570

"Yeah right Eminem. I just wanna say to him, 'Yeah right Eminem. You full of shit.'" - Scott

"What's Bright Eyes? Yo know the words to Vanessa Carlton, so if it's something gay I'm not surprised." - Erin

Me: I gotta pee. I need to find a bathroom.
Jason: I just peed in the sink.

"She thinks I a lot now? I'm not even depressed yet! Wait until there's snow on the ground!" - Scott

"I'll be damned if Bri doesn't dump me this winter when she realizes I'm a drunken piece of shit. God damned!" - Scott

"I don't even want to be on your level. That's how shitty you are." - Donna

"Give me a ticket before I got to jail!" - Scott

"I got a bowl in my sock." - David

"Fuck the cops!" - Pat as two cops are outside the party.

"You're a pretty funny guy. I hear you get drunk at parties and write things down to post online." - The woman at Lucky's Liquor regarding The Daily Quote.

"If you ever get a girlfriend, I will hunt them down and beat them up for being so retarded." - Kelly

"Awww, I want to carve pumpkins with you." - Kelly

Joey: You don't need to shave, and you don't need to go to work.
Me: I do need to shave. It's for the ladies. It's why I fuck bitches and you fuck whatever you do.
Joey: I hate you. I take what I can get.

"Your pops has strong sneakers." - Donna

"I'm a total Harry Potter nerd and I toootally don't give a fuck." - Kadee

Daily quote #569

"This is about to feel so natural." - Scott

"Yo player, what's playin'?" - Mitch

"So I don't remember the Loft last night. Work was a bitch too." - Justin regarding his 21st birthday.

"Those the new dorms? Ima start rapin' bitches." - Anonymous

Daily quote #568

"It's fucked up when you get hit on in the office while you're getting tested." - Dave

"I already don't like this kid." - Beth as she walks in the back to interview a kid.

"I'm going to get a spray tan. I'm going to be orange and sexy." - Kelly

"In Midland I'm known as a big slut that always cheats on her boyfriend." - Kelly

"Is your shirt from the 2nd grade?" - Jess

Daily quote #567

"I don't like needles and I don't like surprises so I think I'll just hold back and stick to my guns." - Joey regarding getting tested.

"I was drawing you and it turned into a bum." - Jess

"Open up cum fartin' bitches." - Todd talking to his DVD player.

"Dino breath." - Joey

"Is this a legitimate bed?" - Jess

"This is the first time kissing in Sam Burnstings office." - Jess

"My car smells like booze thanks to you."

"I can't wait for Daily Quote #666. We have to make it super rad."- Joey

Daily quote #566

"If I shit my pants will you make fun of me?" - Scott

"Wanna do shots of vodka? Go get me a spoon and a needle. We about to shoot up vodka."- Scott

"Blink 182 isn't that bad. I mean, they got me through high school. [We both break out laughing hard as fuuuk.] Just kidding." - Scott

Scott: Cum in her.
Me: No, that's fucking dumb.
Scott: Come on dude, it'd be funny.

"Nigga, Ima theripist." - Scott

"You know in the winter all we do is get wasted and discover new rap? What if we run out of hip hop and start listening to screamo again? Oh, that's another thing. We always mack bitches in the winter, but we only fuck 'em in the summer time." - Scott

"I downloaded 11 death metel albums today; Lifes fucked." - Tanner

"Whore." - Maya

"It's alright, I getcha. everyone has their "I feel like a princess!" moments. I won't tell anyone." - Kadee

Daily quote #565

Me: You're running.
Heidi: I'm galloping.

Me: This is a nice bench to sit on.
Jason: Isn't that like, your office where you sit all day?
(NOTE: This was in regards to my A Walk In The Park photo series.)

"Is his knocking my hustle? He's knocking my hustle." - Jason talking to Scott.

"You've been a dick all day." - Scott

"I'm glad we're on the same gravy level." - Kadee

"I'll grind the deep end for a photo." - Billy

Daily quote #564

"I would make her suck my big vagina. Not that I have a big vagina, but I'd make it big for her to suck on." - Taryn

"Will some of you niggas fight? It ain't Bobby's w/out a fight." - Perry

"Ima b'bout to die." - Quad

"Happy Sweetest Day Justin." - Kelly

"Sometimes I really miss your dickness in my life... but most the time I don't." - Alyssa

"So I was in flint today, and I thought of you and wondered if somehow, I would run into you with a beer in one hand and a camera in another. But I didn't and I was a little upset because I could've used a drink." - Kelsey

Daily quote #563

"What are you doing for sweatest day tomorrow? [Me: *lots of laughing*] Just kidding, I just said it for a reaction." - Steph

"So I've come to realize I'm not comfortable peeing w/ a picture of you starring at me, right next to the toilet." - Heidi regarding the picture of myself taped to the bathroom wall at work.

"Do you know where I can buy candy cigarettes?" - Donna

"Oh well. Atleast I have tits. That'll get me a husband." - Erin/Ohio

Daily quote #562

"Ants don't mess around. Ever see Indiana Jones?" - Dom

Dave: Check this out fool.
Dom: Quit callin' me fool!

"You should text Kelly and say, 'Bitch.'" - Beth

"Oh wow, you're actually sick and note just faking it this time?" - Beth regarding me calling in to work today.

"I'm assuming you're up to no good somewhere downtown, so when you do get arrested, tell my dad I said hi." - Erin

"Did you move already or get arrested or something? Haven't heard from you in a minute." - Erin

Daily quote #561

"Think it's bullet proof?" - Dom regarding the John Deere tracker that drives around downtown w/ windows.

"Just wondering, how many times a day do you get called 'asshole'?" - Erin/Ohio

"Are you shooting porn now, Mr 18 years of age?" - Erin/Ohio

"You know what they need to bring back? Real ass gladiators." - Kadee

Melanie: I am so homesick.
Me: Aww... Drive home. Let me take your photo on Wednesday. I'm in a dry spell.
Melanie: I'm not having sex with you.

"Maybe desperate times could call for desperate, colorful measures, and if it's dark, you never know what you got." Kadee in response to Joey in #560.

Daily quote #560

Me: Before California I cared a little, but now, it's like...
Sam: Straight asshole? Yeah, I see that.

Me: You think Tina Fey is hot right?
Kelly: I mean, she is 40 years old, and has a kid, so whatever.
Me: So, is that a yes?
Kelly: I could see how my dad would think that, but not you.

"Pshhhh Kadee doesnt know whats up my shit was epicly Vader'd." - Joey NOTE: See Daily Quote #559.

"You're not an alcoholic til you go to A.A." - Dave

"I'm going to quit drinking. I just had my last drink tonight." - Dave

"Just because you got a gold tooth doesn't mean you're not gay." - Justin

Daily quote #559

"How rude! No wonder everyone thinks you're an asshole." - Kelsey

"Are these pants like, uber tight?" - Random kid in my store asking about girl pants.

"Sounds like you're having an orgasm, or taking a really big shit." - Michele while I eat a burrito.

"I'm gonna piss some myspace nerds off soon." - Dave

"You don't seem half as bad as your quotes makes you out to be." - Kadee

"Colored condoms are fuckin' weird. It's like..hey, pretend I'm an alien for a second and get to work." - Kadee

"I like how we take naps so we can party all night." - Scott

"Did I really say, 'Is this what white people listen to'?" - Torey

"I just had sex w/ the married man and it was amazing. I'm not going to black-mail him, I'm just going to make him keep having sex w/ me." - Melanie

"You don't have to go to church to be a Christian, you just have to live the Christian life style." - Father Bear

"She has a bitchy voice so she probably has a bitchy car." - Suzann

Me: Would you date LL [Cool J]?
Beth: Maybe. He has a lot of money so probably. And he's hot. ... .. Get this, LL is 40. We have a chance.

"How's life being a douche bag?" - Beth

"I feel I get dumber everytime I'm around you." - Beth

"Someone gettin' pregnant on the side of the house." - Scott

Me: Who's actually twenty-one in here?
Justin: *Holds up fake ID* But if they run that shit I'm on tether.

Ryan: He's in my math class.
Justin: I didn't know they let prisoners go to college.

Suzann: Get insurance.
Me: That's why I need to go back to college.
Suzann: Justin, somewhere there's someone that wants to give you money to go to college. Find 'em.

Daily quote #558

"Look at that ass; It's like Mt Rushmore and shit." - Joey

"It's weird being around you sober." - Erin

"Cops don't show up anymore. This is the known ghetto party house on the block." - Justin

"You're an asshole." - Kelly

"I just walked out of the back room while Beth was still talking." - Kelly

"I'm like the friendliest person alive." - Kelly

"Shit, I'd would've just peed w/ it on. Fill that bitch up like a water balloon." - Scott regarding what he'd do if he woke up w/ a condom still on from the night before.

Jess: Oh yeah, prepare for comfort.
Me: Huh?
Jess: I drive a Buick.

Daily quote #557

"If I hurt you, I don't even care, so don't even bother telling me. If you do, I still don't give a fuck." - Scott while shaving my head.

Scott: I'm getting honked at.
Me: Because you don't know how to drive and don't even have a valid license anymore.
Scott: No, because I'm on my cellphone.

"If I could drink a 30 pack in one day, you know how big my wizard staff would be?!" - Dave

Me: I almost hit a flock of deer earlier.
Torey: What's that?

"So you really going to quote me saying 'I just got done huffing clear coat behind the garage'? I'll see it tomorrow and think what the fuck was I on." - Pat

"*Puking sounds, maybe even puke, from drinking beer.*" - Scott being a pussy.

"It tastes like liquid jelly." - Jess after tasting some new wine.

"See even someone else thinks you're a floozy. Ain't no thing though, it's why i think you're interesting." - Donna in regards to Scott's quote from #555.

Daily quote #556

Scott: I wouldn't want to be the black president.
Me: You're not black.
Scott: Shit, I beg to differ.

"Do you have any wheels that match the board?" - Random kid in skateshop

"I wanna hit someone in my car onetime. Like, "Thump! Whoops!" Maybe while drunk." - Scott

Jason: Pizza always tastes better w/ a little ass hair.
Scott: Yeah, for real.

"They sag harder than rollerbladers." - Dom regarding to people in prison.

Scott: Where's that apple?
Me: The small zipped pocket on my bag.
Scott: Oh, I was looking in your glove box.

"When was the last time I knew you had a heart?" - Scott

"Fuck a fat girl and a real skinny girl, do they equal out?" - Anonymous

Pat: Hey Scott, roll your windows down. I think Ima go puke [inside your car].
Scott: I'll beat that ass.

"God. Biggest fucking asshole I know." - Lindsay

"You don't feel like it? That's a good thing to tell your store manager." - Steph NOTE: My store manager.

"Come get drunk with me and old men. We're going to party like it's 1991! '91 nigga! Fuck bitches!" - Scott

Daily quote #555

"I love that I know if you're not working you're probably downtown getting drunk with some random person." - Donna

"I'm an obese person waiting to happen." - Donna

Melanie: Guess who I'm doing to night.
Me: Who?
Melanie: The married guy.

Me: Hey.
Scott: NOTE: This is the first thing he says when I answer the phone. You better be getting your dick wet. Huh? Is it wet? Is it wet nigga? Yeah, you gettin' laid aren't you?

"I love you. Even though you got skank on your forehead, I probably love you more for that." - Erin/Ohio

Daily quote #554

"Oh this is just Ohio...wondering what the hell is up with the number one on your space. Are you dating scene girls now?" - Erin/Ohio

"So is this what white people listen to?" - Torey while Scott and I are listening to Atmosphere. NOTE: Torey is white.

"That sucks dick, but it sounded cool." - Torey

"Look! It's my 40oz glass from last night!" - Scott pointing out the broken glass in the road from him throwing a 40oz at a car the night before.

"We're drunk, we can't do math." - Scott

"I feel like the black dude in a white crowd." - Scott

"I will pee on that cunt." - Kelly

Daily quote #553

"If I shit my pants don't tell anyone dude." - Scott

"I don't feel like skating. I'm an alcoholic. Guess what I want to do." - Scott

Lady at Taco Bell: Anything to drink?
Scott: Got any beer?

"This is our day off music." - Scott while playing Ace of Base

"You know how bad Coke in the eye burns? It fuckin' burns! God! Fuck, this shit burns!" - Pat

Me: What's going on outside?
Perry: Fire nigga!

"I didn't disappear, I just stayed in school." - Scott

"You want my shirt? I want your panties." - Pat to some random girl at last night's party.

Pat: I got a two year old and a two month old.
Pat: Wait until they're old enough to call you a bitch.

"Ima 'bout to put this 40[oz] in the microwave." - Justin trying to thaw out a frozen 40.

Undercover Cop: Put the bottle down!
Pat: Fuck you nigga!

Me: Huh?
Justin: Just tryin' to rob people.

"I'm stealing this cat tonight." - Pat

Daily quote #552

Scott: Lets skate tonight.
Me: What's that?
Scott: Oh, that's that one thing we used to do before we became alcoholics.

"God, is it just me or do you get more and more perverted/horny every time we talk? ... .. I enjoy the fact you're dirty. Even though you only like me for my tits." - Erin/Ohio

"What's the worst that could happen?" - Justin as to bringing the entire club back to Bobby's for the after party.

"You can't talk to me like that. It's like having text sex." - Kelly

Daily quote #551

Me: Does Coors taste like apple juice?
Tanner: Apple juice for sure!

"Even though we joke about hating each other, I think you are a wonderful person and you inspire me to want to help people more." - Kelly

"You're pretty rad, Justin." - Kelly

Me: What does Coors taste like?
Jean-Marie: Apple juice.

"I still hate you. You're stressin' me out. I need a nap." - Kelsey

"So I have decided that you aren't always an asshole. I think you have a good side." - Kelsey

"Oh wow, yeah you sound really awake. No, we don't need you to come into work today, go back to bed." - Beth

Daily quote #550

"She one of those girls you don't try to fuck, but you get drunk and it just happens." - Anonymous

"I got $15 on your bail!" - Scott

"Ima rob a liquor store, everyone else is doing it." - Scott

"I'm drink my beer before I go to jail." - Scott

"Did I just hear a saw?" - Sam at 1am when a saw was plugged in inside the house.

"You're my 'hey' to my 'girl." - Lindsay

"Don't bring any skanks back here or I'll cock block all night long." - Lady working at the gas station

"My friend Kate donated plasma, got 50 bucks, and bought whiskey with it, and drank most of it the same day." - Joey