"How rude! No wonder everyone thinks you're an asshole." - Kelsey
"Are these pants like, uber tight?" - Random kid in my store asking about girl pants.
"Sounds like you're having an orgasm, or taking a really big shit." - Michele while I eat a burrito.
"I'm gonna piss some myspace nerds off soon." - Dave
"You don't seem half as bad as your quotes makes you out to be." - Kadee
"Colored condoms are fuckin' weird. It's like..hey, pretend I'm an alien for a second and get to work." - Kadee
"I like how we take naps so we can party all night." - Scott
"Did I really say, 'Is this what white people listen to'?" - Torey
"I just had sex w/ the married man and it was amazing. I'm not going to black-mail him, I'm just going to make him keep having sex w/ me." - Melanie
"You don't have to go to church to be a Christian, you just have to live the Christian life style." - Father Bear
"She has a bitchy voice so she probably has a bitchy car." - Suzann
Me: Would you date LL [Cool J]?
Beth: Maybe. He has a lot of money so probably. And he's hot. ... .. Get this, LL is 40. We have a chance.
"How's life being a douche bag?" - Beth
"I feel I get dumber everytime I'm around you." - Beth
"Someone gettin' pregnant on the side of the house." - Scott
Me: Who's actually twenty-one in here?
Justin: *Holds up fake ID* But if they run that shit I'm on tether.
Ryan: He's in my math class.
Justin: I didn't know they let prisoners go to college.
Suzann: Get insurance.
Me: That's why I need to go back to college.
Suzann: Justin, somewhere there's someone that wants to give you money to go to college. Find 'em.
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